somethign fresh

the hair has left the building (and the drains)

In with the new........

best smile in the world

bathtime (one of the five times he's given it in the last year)

feeding time....

reading together....... (awhhh)

our bathing suits to shower in.... (only picture of avery with a smile)

What happened to Batman and Robyn?

,,,sunday night because I was asking for sex I got this....

,,,,

,,,,
he spent the night away and I didnt really talk with him Monday. Tuesday I was still willing to try and give him the opportunity to make things good and he came home. by Thursday morning we both agreed that its just not the right thing to continue on. I've given him chance after chance to be a husband and father. to help support us finacialy and possibly emotionally but he's continued to backslide and I'm not sticking for another round in the ring. yeah, I might have been encouraged to throw some punches too which i did but I shouldnt be ducking and turning my back to fist that belong to a 6'5" Man.

I have tender points along my spine and I asked him if he could tell me how bad they were...... He just wanted to pretend none of it even happend. If fact I've been screamed at , " I've already said I was sorry once. Do I have to keep telling you!?"

No Batman, I just want some tenderness and maybe some sympathy. I have marks on my body from your fist and I'm still not recoverd though its 6 days later.

" My claim to shame is that I fell in love with a big Dork"
~Batman




...................................)))
finally found the button to post pictures with. Here's Osbasso with his new lil' friend. She was stroking his beard like a kitty cat inside the school bus table where we sat and there were sighs of "how cute is that!" and "somebody get a camera!"

Osbasso's 50!

WHat's up with posting pictures on blogger now? everythings differnt and I'm lost!
i want to share photo's from Osbasso's birthday party so you guy's will just have to follow the link and read about it over there.
HE's a wonderful Man and I was so blessed to actually meet up with him. like, seriously it gave me a new appriciate for people to know there are such gentle and kind blogger friends out there.

i wanna be Anne Shirley, you can play Diana

Tornado flew past the other night. went right over my work and the crazy "bipolar" therpaist went and hid under a massage table. thankfully nothing was damaged. too bad the storm couldnt have blown her away. i really cant stand that girl but i'm trying to get along with her. i gave her a little thankyou gift for her efforts in redecorating my massage room and think we're in a peaceful spot right now. Saturday's appointments went by without a hitch and crazy girl managed to stay out of my face so hopefully we'll keep it like that.
tonight there's a birthday party for osbasso, He's turning 50! so excited to get to see everyone but still having trouble on the babysitter. hopefully Batman's mom will pull through. i talked with her husband and he said no to watching the kids but that's only cause MIL is taking a nap right now. I'm sure she'll wake up and come to her son's rescue giving us some adult time without the babies.
Avery and I have beeen watching Anne of Green Gables today. I love that show and i still get butterflies when Gilbert winks at Anne. I have the books and cant wait to share them with Avery. God I hope she's a reader! right now, we cant even get through 2 minutes of her baby books and its so frustrating. She would much prefer to taunt me with closing the book and laughing then for me to sit and read with her. She's such a trouble maker. Speeking of trouble, Benjamin..... HE's developed his voice and all day long he growls and moans and expresses his dislike for life. he still smiles and laughs but his "bitching" has increased so much. How do you get a 6 month old to Chill out and become pleasent?
he's humping Tickle ME Elmo and making Elmo laugh and vibrate, now that's funny

though i hate when people post poems...

Love is doing the will of another
Is holding the hand
rubbing the foot
braving the face
being the one who shines

Love Is laughing it off
taking it on
letting it go
Love Is walking the halls
pacing the streets
finding patience
in everything unrulyand chaotic

Love Is in the waiting
in the moments
between in the cracks
the lines in words not said yet

Love can be tragic
its brother is pain
its sister joy
and love itself is neither
because it is everything

Love, true love
is when nothing matters
but that which is loved
no ego
no need
no fear
just hearts meeting
in their soft red place
sharing blood
rhythm
time
silence
beginnings
ends
and beginnings again

Love is doing the will of another
changing the sheets
laying the bed
calling the stars
the dreams
the murmurs
being the antidote
just by being love

Love is wearing the dark cape
the broken mask
carrying the axe
the hammer
the sword
and ruthlessly severing
all things not of love

Love is to protect
to guide
be guided
remember
forget
give from where love is made


..............................
benajmin weighs a perfect 20lbs and is 27 1/4 inches
he rolled right on over in front of the Pedi. and she marveled saying he's doing exactly what he should be doing and more. I'm so proud of my boy :)

had a wild night of dreaming lastnight. first i was with MFL's Ex and she was preparing to take him to court for more child support. I tried to talk with her and say how she was treating him badly and that she must not have ever loved him in the first place to be so shitty. she was a highly intelligent girl with quite a flair for the dramatics in the courtroom. the funny thing was that they wore matching capes (green plaid across their shoulders and reaching down to just below their butts) and i got to see MFL thighs and they were thick and muscular. stranger yet, his Ex grabbed onto the judges bench and started yelling "Amen!" as if she were in a sexual climax when the judgment was being announced.


then between baby disturbances during the night ,
i dreamt again that i was with someone trying to explain Jesus' miracles and how they were all about the healing property of water. we were in a public square and a sick lady was given a plastic bottle of water that came in a six pack carton like beer, and when she was instructed to drink the water she blew up into a round circular shape and the healer said it was the water doing this and if everyone simply had the faith the next step would be her complete health restored and everyone ducked down behind something cause with her healing, the lady exploded all over the public square and there was bits of clear plasma junk sprayed all over and the place began to stink like sewage and everybody ran to escape the stench.
really preferred dreaming about MFL legs. that was a nice image.
have to take Benjamin to his 6month checkup in an hour. tell ya about it later

its cold here in Texas. my fingers are freezing so this post will be short. i worked all day yesterday and do it again today. they painted my room a sage green and rearanged the room so the table faces the other corner. I kept almost falling over during massage cause I'll close my eyes while i work and when i open them again the light is coming from the other direction and i get disorientted. my Boss has been on my case all week and its causeing me to loose confidence. Except the Frenchman came back lastnight and the catfish therapist (she has whiskers that i want to yank out of her chin) didnt know if he was there for her since we have both worked on him in the past. Boss said she would ask Frenchman if he had a prefrence in therapist and i prepared myself for an early release from work but No, frenchman wanted me and it felt good to know Clients are showing Boss my value. when is a good time to ask for a raise? I've been up there for almost 3 months and I deserve more then a fresh coat of paint in my room.
the babies stayed at Granny's house lastnight and I MISS THEM SO MUCH. the house is so empty with them gone and it actually hurts my heart to not be with them. we'll pick them back up after work this afternoon but its been tough being away. lastnight batman and i went out for a bite to eat and while we were sitting next to each other in a booth up at benigans, the tye-dye dude from Survivor walked around the bar. it was so strange to see someone you recognise from Televsion and then for him to stop and make eye contact with each other.....just weird cause i wanted to say."Hey, you're that guy!" but then i didnt want to come across like an idiot and interupt what he was doing. wouldnt you think that if he didnt want to be recognized out in public he might wear something other then tie-dye. so i guess it wouldnt have been a problem for me to say Hi and take a picture except that i couldnt remember what his name was. I texted Aughra and she couldnt help me out. i think its either ruppert or Ruffus. Does anybody know what i'm talking about?
So I found a pair of shoes that I HAve to get today. their for work cause I'm getting old and need better support. gone are the days where i could just stand in my bare feet doing massage.

ok, its SNowing! outside in the month of April, Texas has snow falling.
my fingers are frigid. gotten get warmed up for work today. this is unbelievable.

I just recieved my Birthday present from my Dad. yes, it came almost a month late but a Nano Ipod! Really it's just in time cause the sound on my PC evaporated or something. Now I just need to keep Benjamin from swallowing it, its so tiny, and wonderful, and I cant wait to create my own private playlist that Batman cant hear and laugh at me for. He wont laugh at me dancing cause he likes when i shake my booty like an etch a sketch, but he's always bewildered at the music that catches my fancy and I despies hearing his critisism of my taste. Now its all in my hand and in my head. yay for me! :) Hmmmm, wonder if I could sneek this into a massage appointment without any trouble........ Its going to be hard, but i guess i'm going to have to leave it behind while working. I'm just bored to death of light, airy, massage music. once, i was doing a couple's massage and they brought in their own music and it was fun having some rythm and tempo in the room. typically the music is pumped through out the entire Spa so it was a change of pase doing massage to R&B

a moment of change

i told him that if he went out looking for a job he could stay Sunday evening. He interviewed this morning for a hotel down the street and started an hour later. Its part time (35hrs/wk) but I'm just so happy that he managed to find something this quickly. and in 60 days we get 7 nights stay...... I'm laughing to myself that if things aren't so cool at any point between us ; he can at least crash up at his work.
Now on to the issue of figuring out proper daycare. I've been in contact with a girl who keeps children from her home and she has a son (2yrs) and daughter that's a week younger then Benjamin.
Batman is hesitant about having a sitter because we got the results back on Avery's echo cardiogram from 2 weeks ago. She has Pulmonary Valve Stenosis (narrowing of the Pulm. Valve where de-oxygenated blood moves towards the lungs) it could be anywhere from mild to severe meaning treatment could be as simple as keeping an eye on her heart throughout the rest of her life, having a balloon catheter inflate and widen the valve or worst case scenario, Avery has to have open heart surgery to replace the valve itself and we wont know until we get a chance to take her to the referral Cardiologist.
Batman's beside himself with guilt for all the anguish He's put our family through. He realizes that its been wrong and how much he needs to take things lighter especially now with this diagnosis. Its been so strange the last several days since he's been home. absolutely wonderful but foreign compared to how he had been the last several months. He's actually being thoughtful and its exactly what has been missing.
I know I've done my fair share of saying how messed up in the head he is and that he's seeking mental help but in just the last week, He's showing me that maybe its not necessarily a loss of ability to control his anger as it is just a Nasty habit of getting away with treating me like shit. I think the week apart sorta' opened his eyes a bit and he saw what he was going to be loosing if he didn't straighten up. I wasn't going to allow things to continue the way they were headed and my husband has responded surprisingly well. a friends' mother once told me that the husband might be the Head of the family but the wife is the neck and helps direct the sight of the marriage.
I knew I married a good man with an attractive heart and it feels very good to have him back as my partner again. It had gotten pretty lonely in this marriage but He's really picking up in the area's that we had been failing at. now hopefully we'll managed to stay back up and straighten out the rest. It just feels good to know He is capable of doing things and thinking differently and even taking it to a level where's he's acting like a loving and thoughtfully concerned partner. yadda yadda yadda
YOU ARE AMAZING MY DEAR HUSBAND . thank you for pulling it together and for pulling towards me.

Texas BlueBonnets

Happy Palm Sunday ya'll