Half nekkid Thursday - painting the bathroom pink

Happy Half Nekkid Thursday....I dont think I've played in awhile not because of a lack of nekkidness just lack of time. There's always some nekkid person running around and here is baby Avery decideing what color she wants her toes.
currently the babies are napping, I have a load of whites in the dryer and the kitchen is temporarily clean. I'm thinking of baking some coffee cake. ITs freezing outside and there's white stuff coming down. very rare for this part of the world. all the schools are closed for today and my husband is out on the roads. wish they would cancel for him and we could just have a warm cuddle day with the kids. oh well, the weekend isnt too far off. its just so cold right now and I'm trying to keep my babies warm. frosty fingers and nursing....Wowzers!


the link for more pictures of Half nekkid is over to the Right. enjoy and have a lovely Thursday

I took Tuesday off from Blogger. Had to let the dust settle. I want to thank my blogger Buddies for being so freakin' awsome. I love you guys. your compasion eased some of my bruiseing. I'm not a fighter and i'm ashamed that I allowed myself to be lured into an ignorant arrgument about having more children. I figure as long as I'm under 2.5 kids (national average) then No body has a right to say I'm selfishly adding to the over population of the world .
being Selfish would be driving around in gas guzzleing car and eating through our planet resources but I dont. and as far as being irresponsable with getting pregnant so quickly.....Nope, I'm actually being responsable and raising my child instead of handing them off to be adopted by someone else.
Yes, BT hit his 2 month mark which means I cant take him to the local fire station. I even dressed him in his cute suit with the dalmations and firetrucks on it and He SHit all over it. (slight voice of oppinion there I suppose) So he's all mine forEVER and I love him.
I took him to the urologist yesterday while batman kept/took avery to work with him. The Dr. was checking to see about a suspected Hernia but after examination and explaining a Hernia vs. Hydroceph to me and showing me sketches of each...we determined that Benjamin simply has Large balls and a perfect fine penis. we have to return in 6 months and hope that He grows into his balls otherwise there might be a problem but as for today and right now, my little guy is a BIG BOY.
We have our first appointment On Friday to see a shrink about some of Batman's temper. say a prayer that its a good match and that Batman is willing to keep things honest. we've sought counseling before but batman was keeping some of his behaviour about drinking so much private and the sesions we'rent helping us.
He realizes that he's got to deal with ALL of his demons in order for there to be any relief and help from therapy. He's not really an alcoholic...just has the addictive personality. but hey, at least we are seeking help right now.
Its 70+ degrees right now and the news is talking about a Arctic BLast coming this eveing. a DJ up in the Pan handle was saying they already have 19 degrees and the windchill its 3 !!!
I havent felt that much cold since I was up in Wisconsin as a young girl on my uncles farm. ((((((BRrrrrRrRrRrRrrrr))))))

TMI

I love my family. Its been a crazy 3 years being pregnant twice, giving birth twice, healing back up (Twice). I wouldnt have it any other way.
You'll be happy to know Batman and I used a condom the other night. it felt so sterile.
But I'm happy again..though I'm imagining little kicks coming from my stomach already. I was pregnant for way too long, my uterus isnt use to being empty.

~editted : I've temporarily` stopped comments due `to` Wicked`http://povertylines.blogspot.com/
I'll open back up comments when she's able to say something other then how I need my tubes tied.

~editted: comments opened back up. I've just had to block my profile now. evidentaly Wicked and her readers view me as a lowlife bitch and a plague to society.
All I want to do is raise my children to know love and show love to others.

thanksGiving Day

we started out at my parents for a quick "drop-by" so they could see the kids and we could witness my fathers newly shaved face and head. He's so much younger looking without all the white hair. i personally think he's looking more and more like a mental patient....he's acting more and more like one shaving his head like that.
Avery adores my father and was so happy to see him but she kept trying to pull away cause her Fuzzy grandpa was retarded looking and hairless.
we came back home put the fussy kids away (to nap) while batman and I got busy in the kitchen. (the only sort of getting busy we have done in two weeks) we made some mashed potato, and pies and cheese balls and decided that we wanted to go out to the Nature Center while we had some free time and the sun was out.
we loaded the children up and made the 30 min. drive just to arrive and find the nature center was closed. we didnt let that stop us, so we pulled over to the side of the road and packed out the stroller and carrier.
Witness, that I'm actually able to handle both at the same time......


from taking our little stroll and snapping off some pictures of the changing Texas Color
we made the mad dash back to the house picked up the food , I switched back into my cute dress and we went down the street to visit with batman's Mema and father's family from Austin.
I had to go hide and nurse BT like 3 times in a 4 hour period!~ I remember having to do the same with avery last year....my kids suffer axiety or else I'm directing my axiety of being around in laws on my children and make them eat every 40 minutes.
it was THanksgiving, a day for feasting and I was just making sure benjamin had his fill of boob.

batman's working today, I'm stuck at home with the children and a horrible messy kitchen still. we're hopeing to get to go downtown to the Christmas Tree lighting and Parade tonight.
oh, and not to leave the drama of Thanksgiving morning out, AVery Flung Poo at her dad. *snicker to myself* It was EVerywhere....out her diaper, between her toes, all up unicorns nose...THankGod Batman went in to get her up and had the shit storm hit him. everybody got a bath except me unless you call scrubing and spot treating crib linens a bath. I felt pretty sterile afterwards
Hope you all had a Happy THanksgiving. I've got entirely too much pie in my fridge.....

we dropped the babbies off with MIL and it only took 20 seconds to walk from the frontdoor to the truck! (amazing cause it usually takes about 25minutes to get everything ready and loaded for an outing.)
Batman and I didnt know what to do with ourselves since we were childless. I recomended running back home and having some private grownup activites but he didnt sound like that was reasonable. so I said , "fine, maybe we could just run back home and catch up on some sleep"
Batman just rolled his eye's
on the drive to drop the kids off, we kept trying to figure out what we wanted to do while we were baby free. I recomended catching a flick, He said we could go "house jumping" to visit friends with out the tag alongs.

upon arrival at MIL's, I quickly pulled out my tits to nurse BT, Avery pulled out her basket of toys and got lost in fun. once BT was fed, batman and I made our exit still not knowing what or where we were going.
first stop was to visit our friend Burrito and praise him on his newly painted bathroom and kitchen. it was green and looked like a tropical rain forest. the color was called Cactus flower

While we sat around and watched the paint dry , I finally came up with the idea to hit up the batting cages.... I figured it was something that my man might enjoy and the weather was nice, not to mention that's something that we wouldnt ever drag our babbies too at least not for another several years.
we went to the PuttPutt just the two of us, and walking into the building the place was packed with black people and it hit me how nervouse I was. this was the same Putt Putt that I was at the afternoon before my rape. I tried to put those thoughts out of my head and still have a nice date with my husband. BUt while we were paying for our tokens to knock some balls around, I couldnt help but mention my memroy of the last time we were THERE . I started to tear up and shake and batman put his arms around me for a moment to help clear the air.
I dont like thinking of that day. but it still fills my memeory at least a couple times a week. I've become racist and I worry about how my pained attitude towards black's is going to affect the raising of my children.
I need to work on it. I've tried to meditate on some positive thoughts and realize that we are all just people that deserve love. I admit Its just crooked in my head after being gang raped by a bunch of black men and never having any closure or charges put up agaisnt anyone.

BUT On to the story of taking my pain out on the batting cages . I wasnt going to let my pained memory of this place tower over the rest of my life. I was strong and I swung and I did alright as long as I kept my eye on the ball.
my right earring got stuck on the protective helmet at one point and when we were back home and I went to give avery her nightly bath, I looked in the mirror and realize that i only had the hook in my ear, that the decorative dangle was missing. these were some special earrings that batman splurged on me when BT was only a week old and I'm devistated that they're not a pair anymore.
one of my earrings was missing the night the cops found me. that and my shirt was turned inside out.
dont want to linger or write about that badnight. just wanted to say that we went to Putt Putt again and my emotions are feeling smooshy and bruised.
..........
we watched Moulin Rouge on Saturday,,,I think I really love that moving. "the greatest thing in life is to love and to be loved in return"
plus I think I have a slight crush on Ewan Mcgregor.

Intermiteent Explosive Disorder

THis is s link to what I belive to be some of our family's trouble (batmans behaviour)
http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/intermittent-explosive-disorder/DS00730

we've had trouble over the years with his anger and we've sought out help but its more then simple anger management. when he blows up its like hes the incredible hulk. he's even told me that he feels like he's the Hulk.
he's never physically hurt me but there's been destruction of our things and the outburst are way beyond the worth of the trigger of these episodes.

you can read more about Intermittent explosive disorder here:
http://www.healthatoz.com/healthatoz/Atoz/common/standard/transform.jsp?requestURI=/healthatoz/Atoz/ency/intermittent_explosive_disorder.jsp

I love my husband so much and we've got an appointment for phsychiatric help but its not for another two weeks. I'm praying that they put him on lithium or some sort of traqulizer cause our family is suffering with him going untreated. its not right for Avery to witness him screaming and throwing things.
maybe I'll start referring to Batman as the HULK till we get him sedated. He's not evil, he's just green like the Grinch. the police were called in by my neighbors on Sunday and I appriciate their concern, its just been horrible to deal with someone that cant deal with themselves.... and I dont quit on people even if things get tough. so we're getting THE HULK some help. he realizes what's a stake and it breaks his heart to know how much damage he's causeing, he really has sufferd from this all his life. as a child, he got shipped to the phsy. ward and lived there for a few years because his father didnt know how to handle him. I've got some taste in men dont I.
maybe it helps me feel my own sanity when i'm with someone that's lost his.

sorry I've been away. family matters husband went bonkers and bail had to be set" have kept me from the keyboard but things are better now. i'm so ready for Thanksgiving, my favorite time of the year. I've already baked two pumkin pies yesterday.
today we are having Windgust up to 50 mph and I'm planning on loosing power due to fallen tree limbs. cozy night with my favorite people in candle light.

a bit of gossip:
BT developed Trush so we visited the Pedi. for meds to swabb inside his mouth and to also gain some laxatives for his dried up butt. (not thrush related)
Took my boobies to visit my OB and make sure the THrush hasnt infected my tits and picked up some antibiotics.
because we went a day ahead of my six week check up, I have to return to pick up contraceptives next week and follow up on how my breast are feeling (so no sex for ANOTHER week. batman wont touch me untill I'm taking the pill again) we have a package of condoms but for somereason, we're both too tired to stretch them out with use.
my mother was "scheduled" to help keep avery while I did these doctor visits but Batman stayed home and Helped me juggle the kids during this day.
to make it up, I thought I would still bring the babies by for a visit at my parents on Tuesday except that my Mother went crazy and Pulled on my dads beard ("to get him to stop screaming at her") and he retaliated by shaving His entire beard off so She couldnt yank on his facial hair anymore. (man, I remember the days being homeschooled by this woman that pulled me around by my hair and I chopped my hair off above my shoulders just so she couldnt hurt me like that anymore)
ANy way, my mothers damaged health has discouraged us from trusting the kids with them and even my Dad has unreliable tendencies so all this behavior is just instilling our fears.
I talked with Dad this afternoon and didnt really want to bring up what happend between him and Mom. I thought I could make things better and plan to visit tomorrow when things might have settled down a bit Except, I asked dad what his plans were, if he was working and he said no. THat mom has a DR. appoinment that he's helping take her too in the morning (thats good and nice) and he's got an appointment to get his head shaved Bald about Noon!

He's biting his nose off to spite his face. i know being pulled around by your beard is hurtful and maddening but Now he's shaving his head Bald?!
poor avery isnt going to recognize her Fuzzy Grandpa
I wish my parents would stop acting like children. I miss having a grownup relationship with them.

about six weeks before Benjamin was born I recieved a voucher for a free lady's razor. I sent it in and recieved the new razor in the mail and I have to say that aside from the delight of having a new family member, this Intuition Razor has been a big happiness for me.

I was at first a little put off by how to use it. but the conept has saved me time and Time to shave my legs is not available these last few weeks. This intuition razor has a bar of soap surrounding the razor so there's no need to lather/foam up the legs before a shave. you can just swipe it over your legs and next thing youknow, everything is baby soft (well not as soft as Benjamin but you get the idea) I know the thought of saving 30 seconds to lather up really doesnt seem like a huge time saver but its also just about the number of things I have to do in a day and this saves me from dropping the soap while I'm in the shower. the Intuition razor allows for me to shave my legs daily (or as close to daily as my showers are) I dont know if Batman has noticed but Its competely made me feel better about my day having smooth legs.

and to talk more about body image post pardum, my nipples have gotten "weathered" and the lacation consultants sent me home with a tiny tube of Lanolin to use on them. the instructions say to apply to chapped nipples after a feed and there's no need to wipe off or clean before I nurse again. The lanolin has been alright, however the smell reminds me of when I had to waterproof my figure skates. Now when I open up my nursing bra and catch a wiff of my Waterproof tittys it takes me back to skating compitions and I nurse with the most graceful artistry.

just hope it doesnt taste icky for Ben. He's not complaining

wicked lil' clown

she's mad cause i wouldnt open her bag of animal crackers

But i did talk batman into letting her have small bites of her mini chocolate she recieved trick or treatin'

she loved it! you have to be a little naughty on halloween