I want to thank everyone for their gentle words of encouragement from the previous post. That topic has been a rough secret that I don't think others want to know or hear about but it's such a huge part of my situation that it really is so very difficult to keep bottled up.
being called a hero by some of you really has touched me and I want to thank you for being so sweet and for the praise. When a person is going through the healing process there is a lot of guilt that they feel for some reason, like it was my fault that it happened and it's so easy to fall and stay a victim, rising up out of the ashes and becoming strong enough to hold ones head up and talk about what happened is empowerment that every victim should do.
I want to try to maintain this feeling. I do feel so much better having voiced my story on blogger, however personal it is, I appreciate the reverence to my ordeal and the respect that you all have shown. I am going to try to continue to keep open about the truth. I feeel so much better having shared. Just one of those shameful things not most people want to deal with and I hope you don't think I'm having a pitty party for myself, being allowed to talk, really helps me deal with things and gets some of the pain out of me.
Yesturday was an emotional day for me just writing about being raped and i wasnt sure If I was going to actually post it but i did, and I thought that I would simply leave it posted for maybe an hour before deleeting it. I had so much anxiety over showing the truth and allowing it to be viewed and not being able to control who knew, but getting it said and then exposing it to the public made me feel like I was strong again. so I think I'll be leaving it for everyone to read.
I want to thank my loyal readers for their generous hearts and the words of praise. your comments have lifted my spirit to a new point in healing. I appriciate you all
posted by Avery's mom at 8:15 AM
4 Comments:
Anytime, Robyn. That's what friends, even blogger friends, are for. I'm glad to hear that doing so was healing for you. Maybe our blogs are some avenue of healing and growth for all of us, in one way or another.
i do beleive that geting that terrible secret ou tin the open and being able to talk about with people you really don't know will help you through you process of healing...
It is not your story to feel shame about anymore. There are people who should feel tremendous guilt about your story- but not you. I hope you feel like you have shed your guilt and heaped it at the feet of those who deserve it.
You remind me so much of my best friend robyn. She gives so much of herself to everyone and takes on so much that is not her burden to bear that she feels selfish or guilty for getting that in return. Thankfully she is in the process of allowing us to give as much to her as she gives to us. She understands that she has to let us her friends experiencethe fabulous feeling you get from giving to others. It is not easy as I well know but if you do not let it out it will harm you more than anybody (even the ugly people who you have unfortunately been exposed to). Before you know it you will be empty and you can't afford to be that way now that you have your precious baby coming to you. I am so glad that our words could bring you some peace and that you allowed us to share your pain with you. That is a bigger step than you could even imagine!
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