the rest is history
I remembered the other part of my dream from last night while I was in the shower....Sometimes I get some of my best thinking done in there.
In my dream, my ex husband showed back up and was like,,,,"what are you doing having a baby, We're still married"
for the record I was married at the tender age of 19 to a guy that I really did not care for. I simply married him because I knew that I made his life better and I think I felt sorry for him. Needless to say the relationship did not work out. He was a complete atheist and that really caused some trouble. I quickly learned not to talk with him about anything spiritual and basically lost desire to create a common ground for us when he wanted to bring his ex girlfriend to our Ti chi class....That class was the only thing we had in common, and when he wanted to share it with his Ex. I threw a fit for a couple weeks and basically We lost each other. We separated several times, each time getting longer and longer. I desperately wanted to make things work, just didn't know how when we were so young and dumb.
Finally he left and just never returned. The only thing he told me was that the divorce was in the works....Maybe I was trying not to think he really ment it. Maybe he was really going to come back.....Now seven years later I'm still having dreams that Austin is still my husband.
I was just turning 21 (drinking age!) when he left. Several months went by and I had to change friends and create a new social group....Nothing better then the rave scene to escape my misery and fill my broken heart with dancing.
some of the new friends I had developed encouraged me to get back into school, so that fall I decided to take a couple last minute classes up at the community college. I missed the first couple of days of classes because of registering late so when I got to my writing class I sat down in one of the desks and turned to the girl next to me to ask if I had missed anything yet.
Everything was good so I turned back around to face the circle of desks that were quickly being filled before class started and out of the corner of my right eye, was this dark figure walking through the door and my heart skipped a beat
It was Austin, my husband who I had not heard from in six months, walking into class like he had done the previous evenings only this time I had joined the class and as our eyes met, I could feel his discomfort. He still did not want to talk
I sat in my seat and he took the one opposite me in the circle.....The whole semester was hell,,,,
Him not wanting to talk to me, and me, refusing to drop the class just because he was there, though all my friends said I should have. I just didn't want to be the one, If someone needed to drop the class, it was Austin. It was so awkward being in this class together. It was a writing class and every evening we would discuss different topics and I just couldn't open up about my personal feelings in that environment with my distant husband sitting 15 feet away and listening. There were several papers that I had to read and share with the class but other then those, Austin was a stranger to what I was going through.
One night towards the end of the semester, I got a shock when after class let out, Austin was standing out in the hall waiting for me. We had not talked in months and suddenly he was there waiting for me just like he did back when we were in HS (we didn't date then but I knew he had a crush) so I was terrified that out of the blue, Austin wanted something, I remember walking to the door thinking "surely he's not waiting for me, he 's waiting for someone else or maybe the teacher" I didn't know but my knees were getting weak and I doubted if I would make it through the doorway.
He must have caught me in my fall because I don't remember if I walked up to him or he came to me.....The next thing I recall was the thud of heavy footsteps echoing through the empty halls that night. Austin had the papers and wanted me to sign. We were fucking signing divorce papers at 10:30 at night in an empty hall at the community college we both accidentally decided to go back to school at.
I never spoke with him after that day. I ended up making an A in that class
In my dream, my ex husband showed back up and was like,,,,"what are you doing having a baby, We're still married"
for the record I was married at the tender age of 19 to a guy that I really did not care for. I simply married him because I knew that I made his life better and I think I felt sorry for him. Needless to say the relationship did not work out. He was a complete atheist and that really caused some trouble. I quickly learned not to talk with him about anything spiritual and basically lost desire to create a common ground for us when he wanted to bring his ex girlfriend to our Ti chi class....That class was the only thing we had in common, and when he wanted to share it with his Ex. I threw a fit for a couple weeks and basically We lost each other. We separated several times, each time getting longer and longer. I desperately wanted to make things work, just didn't know how when we were so young and dumb.
Finally he left and just never returned. The only thing he told me was that the divorce was in the works....Maybe I was trying not to think he really ment it. Maybe he was really going to come back.....Now seven years later I'm still having dreams that Austin is still my husband.
I was just turning 21 (drinking age!) when he left. Several months went by and I had to change friends and create a new social group....Nothing better then the rave scene to escape my misery and fill my broken heart with dancing.
some of the new friends I had developed encouraged me to get back into school, so that fall I decided to take a couple last minute classes up at the community college. I missed the first couple of days of classes because of registering late so when I got to my writing class I sat down in one of the desks and turned to the girl next to me to ask if I had missed anything yet.
Everything was good so I turned back around to face the circle of desks that were quickly being filled before class started and out of the corner of my right eye, was this dark figure walking through the door and my heart skipped a beat
It was Austin, my husband who I had not heard from in six months, walking into class like he had done the previous evenings only this time I had joined the class and as our eyes met, I could feel his discomfort. He still did not want to talk
I sat in my seat and he took the one opposite me in the circle.....The whole semester was hell,,,,
Him not wanting to talk to me, and me, refusing to drop the class just because he was there, though all my friends said I should have. I just didn't want to be the one, If someone needed to drop the class, it was Austin. It was so awkward being in this class together. It was a writing class and every evening we would discuss different topics and I just couldn't open up about my personal feelings in that environment with my distant husband sitting 15 feet away and listening. There were several papers that I had to read and share with the class but other then those, Austin was a stranger to what I was going through.
One night towards the end of the semester, I got a shock when after class let out, Austin was standing out in the hall waiting for me. We had not talked in months and suddenly he was there waiting for me just like he did back when we were in HS (we didn't date then but I knew he had a crush) so I was terrified that out of the blue, Austin wanted something, I remember walking to the door thinking "surely he's not waiting for me, he 's waiting for someone else or maybe the teacher" I didn't know but my knees were getting weak and I doubted if I would make it through the doorway.
He must have caught me in my fall because I don't remember if I walked up to him or he came to me.....The next thing I recall was the thud of heavy footsteps echoing through the empty halls that night. Austin had the papers and wanted me to sign. We were fucking signing divorce papers at 10:30 at night in an empty hall at the community college we both accidentally decided to go back to school at.
I never spoke with him after that day. I ended up making an A in that class
posted by Avery's mom at 8:55 PM
6 Comments:
It is a pretty-pretty small world after all, isn't it?!
How odd and very awkward for you. Well, at least that is all behind you now, except for a few dreams now and then. You have a new life and a new future ahead of you. It is all away and apart from Austin.
i read through some of your postings, and i think you're handling pregnancy quite well. i don't think you sound nearly as crazy as i did. blaming it on the hormones sure is convenient,though.
Mlwht~ thanks for the sharing, it really broke my heart/esteem being divorced at 21 but I guess it taught me some lessons if I dont let it embitter me.
Groody~ cute name, thanks for coming by. and Yes, pregnancy does make a woman loose her mind
RobertL~ nice to see you, and thanks for the comment
Wow I can not believe you made an A in that class. It does not seem like you would be able to concentrate.
sorry :( can't imagine how you felt. that must have been hell.
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