this is my wonderful husband when we are getting along, picture taken 10 days ago
I know you...
I know you like the back of my handFrom the moment we met, I knew youI know how you thinkI know when you are being honestI know when you are lyingKnowing you has always felt like home.As the years passWe drift like boats on the oceanSometimes closer togetherSometimes farther apartYet I still know youWhen we drift apartI know the waves of life willbring us back together againI am patient because I know youSome days you are way off on the horizonI can barely make out your imageWhy are the waves taking so long this timeI remember youI miss youI want to know you againI tell myself that I know youand that you will drift back againI am patient because I know you
added later: Relationships of every kind,if the relationship survives long enough,go through seasons...If after every winter, you know there will be a spring,you have found Love...*
posted by addict
batman with Avery while up in colorado
well it hasnt got any better. I guess monday night was a fluke with Batman being sweet to me. He got home lastnight and the nastiness continued (didnt help that he came home at 11pm wobbly with a cooler of half drunk beer). No wonder i was reluctant to buy into his apology. I knew he was just going to turn mean again but i didnt think it was going to be this soon.
I think I'm getting a bit depressed over this whole mess. I was thinking this morning about what a bad mother i 'm going to be......dont have any reason to think that other then the things that Batman tells me. It hurts so much when you're told all the time that I'm the problem and how rotten a person I am.
I was going to pack it all up and take Avery and run away earlier this week when it was so nasty,,,not sure where too, Avery and I dont have any money and Batman takes the credit card everyday. if he would simply leave it behind for me , i would be out of here in no time flat at least to take a break and disappear for a night. it wouldnt make things any better i dont think,,,,He would just get even more pissed off I guess but at least it would take me away from his hatefullness.
last night I drempt that I was having to go to prison and my parents took me for a walk through to see the place. It was our city jail and the inside was this huge underground cave with men and women dressed in uniforms and all walking in a single file lines. my dad was walking behind me and started getting onto my case for not following the line in front of me but it wasnt my fault...the girl walking ahead of me was wandering around and i didnt know my way so i was simply following. finally in my dream, we were sitting at a table and my mother was instucting me to write different letters to family members and what issues i needed to talk about.....I ended up getting upset that mom was telling me what to do and that it was almost time to turn myself into the prison but i wanted to get out of this cave and breath the air of freedom before i had to start my sentence. She was wasting my free time and I got an attitude and because I started clapping my hands at her, the 'disiplinarian' of the jail came and I was already in trouble and they chained me up to this mamoth guy that drug me deeper into the prison to be put away by myself.....I woke up and i hadnt felt that much axiety in several months.
WHat happened to my relationship with my Batman? How have we gotten into such trouble? I really am so lost right now. He's my heart and my love but it doesnt seem that he's there anymore. how do i get things back onto track when things have gotten so broken between us?
it pains me to hear that he cant stand me and that all the trouble is with me....maybe i do need to seek mental help. We've done couples therapy before but it doesnt do a lick of good whenever he lies and doesnt take responcability for his actions. A week ago i was so happy and felt so proud of our relationship....yeah, i guess i was complaining to my dad that Batman wasnt' coming home till late and that caused my dad to tell him to quit working at sundown . He got super mad about that and I know that's the major issue for his bitterness with me.
Yesterday, He asked me to get permission from my father to allow him to stay and work till later. He's going to need to if he's going to finish this project by Friday. Batman was telling me to hang in there and allow him to get this done and he would make it all up to me.....yeah right! I believe that when he comes home like he did lastnight and was nasty again.
I'm getting tired of this mess; talking about it on here helps get things out but really I'm starting to feel like I dont care to blog about my personal relationships to all of you. I dont want to drag you all into my trouble. I do enjoy your inspiration, epecially the idea of poisoning with laxative ( I was coming up with a great chocolatechip cookie recipe) but really I wish I was able to blog about the happiness in my life.....there just isnt a whole lot of that these last few days.
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"IMPORTANT HNT ANNOUNCEMENT!!!
WHEREAS: Friday, March 17th is St. Patrick's Day, and
WHEREAS: on that one day, EVERYONE is a little bit IRISH, and
WHEREAS: tradition holds that everyone should wear green on this day, and
WHEREAS: HNT will occur on the day before, and
WHEREAS: OSBASSO claims some Irish heritage,
IT IS HIGHLY URGED that all HNT participants include some bit of green in their next HNT picture."
I know you...
I know you like the back of my handFrom the moment we met, I knew youI know how you thinkI know when you are being honestI know when you are lyingKnowing you has always felt like home.As the years passWe drift like boats on the oceanSometimes closer togetherSometimes farther apartYet I still know youWhen we drift apartI know the waves of life willbring us back together againI am patient because I know youSome days you are way off on the horizonI can barely make out your imageWhy are the waves taking so long this timeI remember youI miss youI want to know you againI tell myself that I know youand that you will drift back againI am patient because I know you
added later: Relationships of every kind,if the relationship survives long enough,go through seasons...If after every winter, you know there will be a spring,you have found Love...*
posted by addict
batman with Avery while up in colorado
well it hasnt got any better. I guess monday night was a fluke with Batman being sweet to me. He got home lastnight and the nastiness continued (didnt help that he came home at 11pm wobbly with a cooler of half drunk beer). No wonder i was reluctant to buy into his apology. I knew he was just going to turn mean again but i didnt think it was going to be this soon.
I think I'm getting a bit depressed over this whole mess. I was thinking this morning about what a bad mother i 'm going to be......dont have any reason to think that other then the things that Batman tells me. It hurts so much when you're told all the time that I'm the problem and how rotten a person I am.
I was going to pack it all up and take Avery and run away earlier this week when it was so nasty,,,not sure where too, Avery and I dont have any money and Batman takes the credit card everyday. if he would simply leave it behind for me , i would be out of here in no time flat at least to take a break and disappear for a night. it wouldnt make things any better i dont think,,,,He would just get even more pissed off I guess but at least it would take me away from his hatefullness.
last night I drempt that I was having to go to prison and my parents took me for a walk through to see the place. It was our city jail and the inside was this huge underground cave with men and women dressed in uniforms and all walking in a single file lines. my dad was walking behind me and started getting onto my case for not following the line in front of me but it wasnt my fault...the girl walking ahead of me was wandering around and i didnt know my way so i was simply following. finally in my dream, we were sitting at a table and my mother was instucting me to write different letters to family members and what issues i needed to talk about.....I ended up getting upset that mom was telling me what to do and that it was almost time to turn myself into the prison but i wanted to get out of this cave and breath the air of freedom before i had to start my sentence. She was wasting my free time and I got an attitude and because I started clapping my hands at her, the 'disiplinarian' of the jail came and I was already in trouble and they chained me up to this mamoth guy that drug me deeper into the prison to be put away by myself.....I woke up and i hadnt felt that much axiety in several months.
WHat happened to my relationship with my Batman? How have we gotten into such trouble? I really am so lost right now. He's my heart and my love but it doesnt seem that he's there anymore. how do i get things back onto track when things have gotten so broken between us?
it pains me to hear that he cant stand me and that all the trouble is with me....maybe i do need to seek mental help. We've done couples therapy before but it doesnt do a lick of good whenever he lies and doesnt take responcability for his actions. A week ago i was so happy and felt so proud of our relationship....yeah, i guess i was complaining to my dad that Batman wasnt' coming home till late and that caused my dad to tell him to quit working at sundown . He got super mad about that and I know that's the major issue for his bitterness with me.
Yesterday, He asked me to get permission from my father to allow him to stay and work till later. He's going to need to if he's going to finish this project by Friday. Batman was telling me to hang in there and allow him to get this done and he would make it all up to me.....yeah right! I believe that when he comes home like he did lastnight and was nasty again.
I'm getting tired of this mess; talking about it on here helps get things out but really I'm starting to feel like I dont care to blog about my personal relationships to all of you. I dont want to drag you all into my trouble. I do enjoy your inspiration, epecially the idea of poisoning with laxative ( I was coming up with a great chocolatechip cookie recipe) but really I wish I was able to blog about the happiness in my life.....there just isnt a whole lot of that these last few days.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
"IMPORTANT HNT ANNOUNCEMENT!!!
WHEREAS: Friday, March 17th is St. Patrick's Day, and
WHEREAS: on that one day, EVERYONE is a little bit IRISH, and
WHEREAS: tradition holds that everyone should wear green on this day, and
WHEREAS: HNT will occur on the day before, and
WHEREAS: OSBASSO claims some Irish heritage,
IT IS HIGHLY URGED that all HNT participants include some bit of green in their next HNT picture."
posted by Avery's mom at 8:48 AM
11 Comments:
I know how hard it is.
Please find someone like a counselor or a pastor that you can talk to about the things that are happening. If Batman won't go, go by yourself. This is an important thing. You need to get things figured out before they get worse.
I feel your pain and I am praying that you can work things out with him.
I am worried about you and Avery if he's coming home drunk.
I am worried, too, sweet Robyn. Y'all can't keep pretending that this will be your life from here on out. What kind of example is this teaching Avery? That she should tolerate & accept this kind of behavior from men? No way... BOTH of you deserve better!
Gal, if you need a place to stay, you call on me. Serious, ok? As far as "talking" on here, gal, you go right ahead. If any of us didn't care for you, we wouldn't be here. You do what's right for you & Avery...
I sure hope Batman finds the help he needs. Involving chemicals & alcohol isn't help. It's hurt. If he wants out, then fine... but don't drag you & Avery along for the fall.
You had a life before him ~ you can have one with or without him. It's your choice.
M~
The first thing that I thought of is you should go talk to your pastor. Even if it's just by yourself. Maybe he can help you get your confidence up and realize that you are a good mom and you're not causing all of the problems. Do it for Avery so she can have a strong mama who will raise her to be a strong woman, too.
None of us are happy all the time. Don't stop blogging! I think blogging in itself can be good therapy. Hang in there. Something will give.
Robyn~ you are a wonderful woman and a wonderful mother. don't let anyone ever convince you otherwise!!
Hang in there, Robyn. I too believe you should try talking to your local pastor. I know you are a great woman and a fabulous mother. I see the love you have for Avery every time you speak of her! My dad once told me, "Life is full of peaks & valleys. Know when you're up, there will come a time when you are down. And when you're down, know that you will rise again." Know that God has a very special plan for you and we are all praying for you!
so, i read your blog just about every day and once in a while i find it in me to comment.
why do you love your husband? make a list of things that tells you that you love your husband.
then make another list. why do you not love him?
bring that to your pastor or whom ever you choose to see. your pastor is going to tell you that it's wrong to leave him and that as a wife, you need to take the steps to work it out. that's wrong. if he is abusing you (YES! emotional abuse is abuse!!!) it's not healthy. you wouldn't have your daughter stay in this situation, why are you? "because i love him" is not enough of a reason. you can love him, you can be in love with him, and you can still be abused. you are worth better than that. he'll try to tell you that "i'm having a bad day and a few beers isn't anything" or "i don't abuse you" both lies. you can't build a marriage on lies. you may love him, but love is not hurtful.
i hope that you and batman can work things out....but not at the cost of your self-worth and possible safety. you have a little life that counts on you everyday. i think counseling can be valuable, but above all please stay safe. one thought...keep gas in car if you need it, girl.
It's only my opinion, but batman doesn't sound like a good man for you to be with. If you left him you could go and stay with family.
But don't let him beat you down. You sound like a great mother and lovely person, and deserve much better.
every story has two sides...AND I'M NOT A FUCKEN WIFE BEATER!!!!!
that's not evil enough!!!lol!!!!hahahahaha
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