Tuesday, March 14, 2006

blogger isnt allowing me to upload any pictures, sorry

I'm probably going to end up regretting that I posted what I did yesterday. It always comes back to bite me in the ass when ever batman figures it out. oh well....... yesterday he called and tried to apologize.....I didnt want to hear any of it. he's hurt me too much. most of what he was yelling was how he doesn't care or love me and he wants out of our marriage; real hurtful stuff and i was weapy and sad all day. But I did find some joy looking up poison on the internet. My best bet is to find some cadmium, toxicology reports don't show that heavy a metal unless suspicion is brought up to look for something like that, otherwise it looks like grastric trouble.
I know its horrible to think about poisoning someone, but if he wants out of this marriage so badly , I would be more then happy to help make it happen especially when he's so hateful and abusive.
He was telling ME that i need mental help so I'm sure I would get an insanity plea
anyway, he was apologizing and trying to make things better over the phone, he sent me a text message saying he does really love me but its so hard to feel it when he's done this all before. I didnt feel like accepting any of what he said. when he did come home (i really didnt feel like having him there) he wanted to take me out to dinner and was doing and saying everything possible to be sweet to me. I swear i thought he must have eaten some ecstasy tabs because he was being irregularly nice. I kept trying to see his eyes and they did look a little glossy so who knows....maybe he was doped up and being affectionate. Wish it would be a steady thing for him. I had written a short note telling him how he's so good at communicating when he's angry and how words just fly out of his mouth when he's pissed off. he read it and agreed to try and work on expressing himself when he's not so angry. guess we'll see.
Avery and I went to bed around 10 and Batman said he needed to get some things done and would be coming to bed shortly and he asked if he could hold me when he did climb into bed; I just said whatever and turned out the lights. It was 3:30am when i realized that he was still up at the computer (maybe he was high and couldn't get to sleep) finally he came to bed and slept for a few hours before the home phone started ringing at 6am.... one of his buddies called to see if he had slept through his alarm to get to work today. Evidentially he has till Friday of this week to finish up the work out at my parents barn and he really hasn't gotten any of it started yet. He's been out there a whole week now building a frickin shed to keep his stupid tools in and hasnt even begun the add on to the barn that my dad has asked for him to build. guess the rush is on , at least he has an excuse now to work like a maniac out there with this new deadline. Glad that my dad is starting to crack the whip. I think Batman needed to come to terms with the fact that he cant simply lollygag around playing all day with his tools; that there 's a project that needs to be completed.
I had the most Awesome dream last night. cant go into it too much but It did have this thick, muscular Arial ski jumper in it and he had on those skin tight body suites.....very nice to be sleeping with such an athlete in my head. hope he comes around more often :)
and Avery is getting her bottom teeth in! she bit me yesterday and left a mark on my thumb....I'm going to have to be more careful and teach her about not biting. we've already had some close encouters with nursing so I think her days at the breast are numbered. mostly that is for comfort and nurturing, she really gets most of her nutrition from eating other things. she's such a good little eater. anytime I have anything infront of me, Avery wants to have some of it. lastnight at dinner, BAtman was sharing his fish and sweet potato with her....he even volunteered for taking her to the bathroom to change a poopy, can you believe it?! he really was putting on a good effort to be a good daddy and husband. We'll see if it's going to stick or if he was simply High.
going to call it a post and end it here. thank you all for your support and encouragement. I seriously live day to day for reading your input.


Blogger Belle of Madison said...

Robyn you are definitely on my mind. I hate that things are so hard for you right now. All I can say is that I hope it turns around and things get better soon. Meanwhile, give your little girl lots and lots of kisses and hugs... I wish you could upload pics!!

March 14, 2006 10:36 AM  
Blogger greekchickie said...

I echo belle of madison's wishes. Gal, I just want you happy. We all do. You're such a sweet soul & you deserve so much love ~ and not only from your daughter (owie on the bites!). I just hope that he comes around to his senses (CLEARLY ~ without added enhancements!!) & he realizes how awesome his wife & daughter really are. He'd miss out on a wonderful thing.


March 14, 2006 11:04 AM  
Blogger mistyblue3 said...

Oh no. I'm sorry to hear of your recent trouble... What is his problem? When he is in one of those nasty moods, how do you respond? Is he purposely trying to rile you up b/c he's pissed at life and wants you to be too? Have you talked about seeing marriage counselor? If I were you, my first instinct would be to tell him to fuck off, and run away with my baby. But,If both of you are willing to give 110% all the time, I firmly believe all marriage's can be repaired, even when hurtful things have been said. And if that fucker pushes you again, kick him square in the nuts!!! Good luck babe.

March 14, 2006 12:58 PM  
Blogger Bridget Jones said...

Hi sweetie...agree with B of M, hate it that things are tough on you. We're always here for you.

Am definitely on mistyblue3's side. Hope things turn around...but we're here no matter what happens.

You are sweet and strong. Don't let ANYONE make you feel inferior or sad...and please give lots of love to Avery...

March 14, 2006 6:44 PM  
Blogger Jamie Dawn said...

Things do not sound like they are going well at all.
Please don't put up with any physical abuse, if that is going on. Yelling & fighting is a horrible atmosphere for your family. I hope you can both recognize and admit to the things you are doing to cause problems. Usually, both people are contributing to the problems.
I hope that things will get better between you.

March 14, 2006 9:42 PM  
Blogger Sum kinda princess said...

I'm still not over you letting that Batman which should be called BatBOY treat you the way he does. Children learn what they see.... you know this.

March 14, 2006 11:06 PM  
Blogger addict said...

One day that man will learn...
Once a woman becomes a Mother, she stops putting up with B.S. if not for herself, for her child.
Accept treatment that is no less than you want Avery to accept from a man when she is grown... after all, you are where she will learn what a woman should or should not tolerate...

"Batman" is showing symptoms of a bigger problem, if he can fix the underlying problem, the symptoms will go away... if not, the symptoms keep coming back, and like all symptoms, they usually worsen.

Hugs to you

(Court TV often has excellent ideas as well!)

March 15, 2006 12:23 AM  
Blogger Jenny said...

ok, seriously with the poison? come on now.

March 15, 2006 8:20 PM  

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