I tempted fate last night and lost
I jinksed myself writing what I did last night about getting married. You see, the promise ring I've worn has needed to get fixed and I've been very concerned about it. The ring is a simple gold band with 7 pears across the setting and over time, they have become loose. So loose that the tiny pearls actually jingle and clink around inside the setting. I've mentioned to jamie that I wanted to take it into a jewelers to get the setting tightened before one of the pearls fell out and the whole ring looked bad....Well, I think writing last night about it tripped fate because one of the pearls actually fell out and now the ring looks like a hobo's mouth.....All these round yellowish teeth with one missing.
I'm very upset that It happened but more then that, I'm disappointed that Jamie didn't get my ring fixed before it got ruined. I don't know where the pearl fell out at so I wont beable to have the original to replace and make it whole again. I'm so very upset about it. I feel like its symbolic of our relationship and the fact that jamie neglected the maintenace of it just deepens the worry about the solidity of our future.
I tried to tell him how upset I was and what we were going to do....that somehow the ring needed to be replaced and he said we would go shopping for a new one today. something inside me tells me that I shouldn't get my hopes up. I know that unless I remind him, my promise ring is going to be so out of his concern. I just wish he was more involved with the seriousness of this or am I making it into too big of a deal? He's the one wanting to get married in a few weeks and I don't feel that he understands what marriage is. I tried asking him the other day and he said things like, " it means being monogamous" " and absolutely no lying"
those are the things we should have accomplished already. Marriage to me means no turning back. It's a signing off of ever leaving your partners side in life. It means supporting and working through whatever trials life gives the two of you. Jamies' answers scare me because I don't and wont marry someone that doesn't have the same view of marriage as I do.
I did that before and wound up divorced before I was 21 years of age and it broke me. I'm not bitter about marriage, just wont make that mistake again. I think I might have a little trust issue to deal with.....But when my man doesn't fufill a need to keep my promise ring intact, and one of the pearls finally gets lost forever what am I suppose to feel? I guess that I should have gotten the dumb ring fixed myself.
I'm very upset that It happened but more then that, I'm disappointed that Jamie didn't get my ring fixed before it got ruined. I don't know where the pearl fell out at so I wont beable to have the original to replace and make it whole again. I'm so very upset about it. I feel like its symbolic of our relationship and the fact that jamie neglected the maintenace of it just deepens the worry about the solidity of our future.
I tried to tell him how upset I was and what we were going to do....that somehow the ring needed to be replaced and he said we would go shopping for a new one today. something inside me tells me that I shouldn't get my hopes up. I know that unless I remind him, my promise ring is going to be so out of his concern. I just wish he was more involved with the seriousness of this or am I making it into too big of a deal? He's the one wanting to get married in a few weeks and I don't feel that he understands what marriage is. I tried asking him the other day and he said things like, " it means being monogamous" " and absolutely no lying"
those are the things we should have accomplished already. Marriage to me means no turning back. It's a signing off of ever leaving your partners side in life. It means supporting and working through whatever trials life gives the two of you. Jamies' answers scare me because I don't and wont marry someone that doesn't have the same view of marriage as I do.
I did that before and wound up divorced before I was 21 years of age and it broke me. I'm not bitter about marriage, just wont make that mistake again. I think I might have a little trust issue to deal with.....But when my man doesn't fufill a need to keep my promise ring intact, and one of the pearls finally gets lost forever what am I suppose to feel? I guess that I should have gotten the dumb ring fixed myself.
posted by Avery's mom at 5:55 AM
5 Comments:
sweetie, it's a really tough decision. and trust me, i know exactly where you are standing. when we found out i was pregnant, most of my family were asking if we were going to get married or not. i would have married richie last august when we met if he'd have asked me to. i've known pretty much from the beginning of our relationship that i wanted to spend the rest of my life with him. we'd had talks before in the past about our views on marriage and is it really necessary, or is it just a signed piece of paper? what's wrong with being life-partners if you know that you want to spend the rest of your life with that one single person? from a religious aspect, marriage is best. from the socially acceptable aspect, most people look sideways at life-partners and just don't get it. for us, i know that we both would have been perfectly happy regardless whether we married or not. after a while, we both knew that we wanted to get married to each other 'eventually' but when we found out about the baby, that somehow put a fire in our butts about it. we'd decided to make it official after some talking and that we wanted it done before the baby was born, not after. and he wanted it to be soon so that we could still have the ceremony that we wanted vs. justice of the peace and i would be able to enjoy it, not be farther in my pregnancy and so uncomfortable i would just want to 'hurry up and get it over with.' we'd gotten my rings already a few days before he actually proposed, which was on the 4th of july - his birthday - right under the two trees we were planning to marry under in my grandparents' backyard. we already had a date set for the 30th of july so that his family would be able to come from california. that was three weeks to plan a wedding, but it was the most beautiful wedding imaginable.
a lot of times during the 'engagement time' i thought the same things that you were thinking - did he REALLY want to get married or was he just doing the 'right' thing? i don't think i ever fully understood how he really felt about it until i walked down the aisle that night and got to the alter area under those two trees and saw that his eyes were full of tears - HAPPY tears.
you and jamie definetely need to sit down and get things off of each others' chests about how you both feel about getting married. you need to express your concerns. we can all give you advice here, but really it will be you and him who are making the final decision. one bit of advice i'd like to offer up, if you are willing, see how he feels about premarital couples' counceling. whatever the decision, just do what's right in your heart sweetie. *hugs*
Maybe ya'll communicate differently than I'm used to, but I've read some of the things he says to you and I don't like it. As far as life partner goes, peppermint patty has a good point. However, the religous aspect is what's gonna prevail with you I think?.. No offense to peppermint at all- I love what she has to say and how she looks at things.
The night before my wedding I noticed that my engagement ring (his divorced grandmother's ring) had split in the back where it had been sized. My girlfriends joked that it was a bad sign, and it was. A sign that the jeweler was no good.
The HESITATION is (not the ring falling apart) a sign for you to stop, sit down and really think about it... in a few weeks maybe?
Such a big decision (marriage) should be taken when you've got time/energy to spend into it. You have just given birth Robyn, Avery and YOU should be who you are taking real good care of right now.
*lots of virtual hugs*
It's so hard when one little thing becomes emblematic of your the problems with your entire relationship. Just keep in mind that things like that don't matter as much to men as they do to us - he thinks being with you every day is more important than a symbol.
Good luck.
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