honey could you get me a glass of water please

I just fed avery and now I wanted to use this free time to write while I can. Seems easier when it is late at night then when the sun is up.
being home is nice but now it has its own hardships. It seems that my personal relationships are wearing thin. I had a breakdown cry yesterday and Jamie did too.....He's having a hard time with things and it's not making carrying for Avery any easier. He's feeling that he isn't getting the credit he wants. I guess I can understand that he's feeling left out of some of the attention but golly,,,I was the one who sacrificed my body, diet, sleep, my everything for this baby. I will now have a permanent scar on my belly and he wants to be hurt over the fact that everyone wants to help me..... Really he should be thinking that it's his job to be my caretaker for the first couple of days being home with a new baby but instead he's feeling (in his own words) like a whipping boy for me. he spent a good portion of yesturday on the phone crying to his aunt about how he's not getting the attention and that everything is revolving around me....uummm, yeah, I just had surgery, ive got a nursing schedule that follows no time, why is he getting to cry to someone while I sit left alone in the nursery wondering when I can use the phone to schedule avery's pediactic check up...that could be something for him to do by I dont want him to feel like a whipping boy
I don't know what to think! It honestly disgusts me that he doesn't understand that right now I do need his help. That is why he's staying home from work. This isn't some holiday. Does he want to be up all hours of the night like I am and have been since this pregnancy first got into full swing. It's wonderful that he's taking the responsibility but really he's jealous over how the baby needs me constantly....If he were avery's mother, he wouldn't be able to hang. Not that she's a horrible baby, She's actually pretty good. We're still getting acquainted but her temperament is pretty easy and I imagine she's going to be a sweet girl. But back to jamie and me complaining....He's upset that I chose not to give Avery his last name and I totally can understand that frustration for him. However, if he wanted her to take a family name, he really should have married me. I was admitted to the hospital under my maiden name, and the baby came home with my name. It can easily be changed but I didn't see how giving him legal responsibility over a child would do Avery any good. He didn't care to make our relationship legal with marriage so he's just got to deal with things.
you all are probably thinking what a screwed up person I am for doing that to jamie but there are also other reasons if you go back into my archives Aug. 5 under the title Tiny print keeps things whispered it explains
anyway, I'm writing too much, I really am very happy and want to be a secure family, but the way jamie is acting now about having to help me instead of playing around and goofing off with his buddies (did I mention that he had the nerve to allow his mother to come over last night?!)
ok , one more quick bitchfest.....I invited for his mother to come over for lunch yesterday so she could see Avery and stuff....It turned into that she could not make it until 4, then it turned into 8pm, then It turned into freaking 10pm, I was so mad that jamie just could tell her to stay home at that hour. He's suppose to be running interference for me so I can take care of the baby and not be disturbed. His mother didn't show up until 1045 pm and I was so mad with her. I don't think she caught my furry which is good but after half an hour of showing her pictures and her unloading a huge bag of crap all over my living room, I just disappeared and told jamie to get her out of the house. can you tell that I'm under more stress. This is suppose to be difficult putting up with a new baby at the home, not babying jamie or tolerating disrespect from his mom.

It seems that Avery is turning into my escape from this madness. Sorry for complaining and making it sound like everything is falling to pieces. Avery is doing well, I'm still exhausted but happy, it's my personal relationship with jamie that is proving to be strained right now. He's just tired and not use to having a baby with all its demands. On a positive note I"M NOT PREGNANT ANYMORE!!!!! and I couldn't feel more hopeful.