I do vs. I don't
why do people get married?
how do you know if you should marry someone?
jamie wants to marry me in November, that is like in 6 weeks. Why all of a sudden the rush? He didn't want to marry me during the pregnancy because he didn't want people to think we married just because I was having a baby. he wanted people to recognize our love for each other. I've worn a promise ring for the past three years during which time I got frustrated with the duration of the promise and gave it back but wanted something on my finger so I wouldn't look unclaimed during the pregnancy and when I was about three months along , he got down on one knee and asked me to marry him 'someday'. Now that the baby is here (and has my last name) he wants to rush a marriage.
I know we are committed to each other but now I feel that he's wanting the legality of it all so Avery can have his last name.....I don't know but I think I'm feeling a bit bitter that he didn't do it before the baby. Why should we do it so quickly now and how do I get things in better perspective. I know we really did things out of order and I guess I'm paying the consequences now, just don't want Avery to suffer but I also want things to be right for my heart and head. Give me advice please
how do you know if you should marry someone?
jamie wants to marry me in November, that is like in 6 weeks. Why all of a sudden the rush? He didn't want to marry me during the pregnancy because he didn't want people to think we married just because I was having a baby. he wanted people to recognize our love for each other. I've worn a promise ring for the past three years during which time I got frustrated with the duration of the promise and gave it back but wanted something on my finger so I wouldn't look unclaimed during the pregnancy and when I was about three months along , he got down on one knee and asked me to marry him 'someday'. Now that the baby is here (and has my last name) he wants to rush a marriage.
I know we are committed to each other but now I feel that he's wanting the legality of it all so Avery can have his last name.....I don't know but I think I'm feeling a bit bitter that he didn't do it before the baby. Why should we do it so quickly now and how do I get things in better perspective. I know we really did things out of order and I guess I'm paying the consequences now, just don't want Avery to suffer but I also want things to be right for my heart and head. Give me advice please
posted by Avery's mom at 6:45 PM
11 Comments:
OK you asked for it. I remember not to long ago when you were commenting about wanting Batman to stand up and take more responsiblity.As I see it that is what he's doing he wants to give you and Avery a better life. Is that wrong ? I know some of the romance might not be there this way But the reality of life is when the romance seems to fade what are you left with ? something stronger and better love and committment.And romance never really fades it just changes it's colors alittle.
On the other hand if he wants to marry you it can wait alittle longer.You've just had one major life change take time to get use to this one before Having another one.
I think I've said enough now That what happens when I don't blog for a couple of weeks.Sorry
I have always hear stories where the girls finds out she is pregnant and the guy splits. BUt in your case Jamie stood by you through your pregnancy and is now being there for you and Avery afterwards correct? I say go with your heart, but maybe that soon isn't best considering that would be adding more stress with a newborn. I only know your stories from your blog, but you have had years with Jamie, go with yout gut, your heart and your soul. Marriage is tough work sometimes, I have been married for almost 6 years and it takes a lot of work. The option to just "run" out the door isn't an "option" anymore without making some valid efforts. Our first year was hard, but after that we mastered it :). People say marriage shouldn't change things, but I think it does and you have to be ready and hold no resentment when you make that committment. Good luck!
Oh Robyn. Do I get an invite? Because if I'm invited I have a beautiful dress I could wear. Except I would have to buy shoes to match. Oh well. You have enough to worry about. Don't worry about my shoes. Unless you wear an 8 1/2. Then I might need to borrow a pair.
I hope you gleaned some advice from my footwear drama. :)
AMy~ I'm a bit dense now that I've had a baby. were you being sarcastic in saying I should have gleaned advice from your shoe drama? were you saying i'm worring too much about small things such as having matching shoes and all that vanity? btw I do have a bunch of size 8 1/2 that my feet have grown out of. seems the pregnancy caused my feet to grow.
Do not let bitterness lead you. It will not take you where you want to go.
I would marry him. I would keep the Wedding simple so it does not stress you out. Simple, plain, charming, sweet.
Chris~ I dont know if Jamie wants to marry you but I'll tell him that you want to marry him and see what he says ;)
Talk to him. Tell him flat out you are weirded out at the timing and you want a no BS answer. If he really wants to marry you because he wants to he will be willing to wait. Otherwise it seems too tactical.
Well, you asked for it. I kept my big mouth shut when you mentioned him being "resentful" or seeming to be since the baby is here now. He gets less attention. I am not a man hater at all, but men are just oversized babies. They are very needy and at times it just creeps me out how they can be so selfish. I am not into holding grudges, but in this case I'd at least have to really consider my own heart and why I may really be leary of November. Or, in the fact that he all of a sudden wants a wedding ring and all that goes with it. You know him better than the rest of us of course. So, was he sinsere looking in his eyes and did his heart seem warmer than it has been? I don't like anything hasty. Seems to me that you have enough going on right now, and it would take a lot of energy to have even a simple and sweet wedding. Your hands are full! Literally full. No offense to Jamie at all! But, you don't need to carry around 2 babies right now do you? I know that's harsh, but I am just trying to paint a picture you may already be looking at. Sorry if any of that was offensive, but that's how I feel. I've been married for 10 years in May and it is very hard work. Kiss that Avery for me!
Wow, gal... some excellent advice here. You have awesome bloggy friends!
I agree ~ you need to follow your heart. Marriage these days is no longer that life-long commitment, unfortunately. So many people get married with the idea in mind that "divorce is always an option". But y'all have a lot more at stake now ~ it's not just the 2 of you that you have to consider. You have a beautiful baby girl that will need BOTH of her parents. Take it from me... we DO need both parents. Especially for a girl. Otherwise we grow up craving that "male" attention that we didn't get from home growing up. So don't go into marriage with the mentality that if it doesn't work out, divorce is always an option. Make it work for the 3 of you... and Batman needs to make it work equally.
It sounds like he's made great strides. What y'all are experiencing is an adjustment period. Y'all will get thru it intact, if you continue the love & support for each other & beautiful Avery.
Ok, I've written a book. I just wish you peace, love & happiness. Corny, maybe... but I do. What ever path you decide to take, I hope it's for the best for ALL of you.
M~
The advice I hoped you gleaned was to go for it. Get married. Invite me. Let me borrow shoes.
Jamie loves you. He has worked himself to exhaustion to prove it. He has flaws. So will any man who comes along. It's not about waiting for the flawless man, it's about determining which flaws you can cope with to get to the good stuff. You know how much I adore Eric, but if you think I don't have to "stuff it" from time to time, you're crazy.
I have been there but on the opposite side as you know. I wore a promise ring for three years (sans pregnancy) and gave it back several times. As I see it, if you guys are as strong as you are after all you have been through there is no need to question anybody's motives (yours or his) you just need to let go and do it :-P
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