biggest news is that my first love located me yet once again. the last time we spoke was about 9 years ago and I wrote him a letter saying that he needed to leave his wife and come be mine again. all the while , my first husband was packing his things and left. Of course my first love denied me and i found myself lost and alone and i had to figure out life as a single girl and went down many wrong paths.
so when he found me again i was up in arms as to what to do. I'm finally in a place mentally where i'm not longing to still be his. I managed to create an identity that isnt waiting around for us to be reunited so when he popped up on myspace asking me to reconsider i paused.
then there was the suprise attack and i replied with a "yo momma" comment and we both realized that i was harboring bitterness. He quickly apologized for everything, for the pain i had endured , for the suffering i allowed myself to live, and I have to tell you that in talking with him, i have a new sense of peace. its a peace that i never imagined i would feel, as if i'm living my life fresh for the first time.
He took my virginity at the tender age of 15 and i gave him my whole heart. we were forced apart when my parents found out and the rest of my teen years were strained. i grew up being told i was a slut and worthless. that i had no more value to my father because i wasnt a virgin.... it was sad and unbarable and i managed life on my own at the age of 17 and moved in with some boys at 18 . my parents hounded me saying i was living in sin, and my first love kept in touch on a daily basis so long as my father wasnt a threat. I told him was getting married and he was suppose to stop me but he didnt and i found myself at the JP getting married to a boy i didnt care for and i thought my fate was sealed. untill two years later when he finds me again . this time i wasnt going to be passive, i was going to straight up fight for my first love and i insisted that he be with me. .
I've made many mistakes and i dont want for his recent appears to disrupt what i have now with batman. though things have been strained between him and i these last several months, this new found peace causes me to want to be a better wife. I'm excited to have this emotional freedom and i want to share it.
i told batman that i had spoken with my ex and after some explaining about how it was good for me, batman said that he was happy for me.
everything was great untill batman decided to go snooping through my phone and flipped out when he came across my ex's number and called him. I was in tears crying because i dont want my ex to know that i am married to and suffer from a controling husband. my ex just wants me to be happy and having batman call him and tell him to leave me alone........ that's fine, i just wish batman could have talked with me about it instead of being a jerk and calling my ex. its all so stupid. one minute batman is saying that its fine for us to talk but he doesnt want us to get together for face to face visits and then his temper flairs because he thinks i'm being sneaky having his number in my cell.
i want to be a good wife. but i also want to have a loving husband and these most recent days have been horrible.
it was good talking with my first love and finally recieving the closure that i needed.
I'm about to turn 30 and the wind was blowing up a storm last weekend. i walked out of my day spa and air was brown. similar to mary poppins' my life was about to change with the wind.

batman had a Birthday

Saturday after work , i got gussied up and we left the kids behind.

Dinner was at Benihana's and we drake sake' bombs ,we got to order more drinks from these figurines (I got the cat and batman chose the standing samuri with the sword) to take home. the evening was great fun and I cant tell you what we ordered other then it was the steak and veggie hibachi and tasted like Heaven. I ate my entire plate and helped batman with his. its amazing the ammount of food you can stuff in your face when you have a sake' buzz

no, I'm not passed out...just being dramatically alluring. you can find the redi-whip on the nightstand under the lamp if you look close.

this was the red dress (only paid $1.99) the hotel room cost about 100 dresses and the bed was KING sized and worth every penny. I have never laid on a more comfortable surface. seriously doubt i will ever again. the bed was the best part of the night. so comfortable!

we had the hardest time checking out of the hotel and talked with the manager about staying an extra night. After a quick call to the grandparents to check on them... the babies were doing fine and we were encouraged to take our time so we made it a two nighter.....

the secondnight was alot less eventful and batman fell asleep before we had time to do anything fun. I'm not mad cause really that mattress was so comfy, I cant blame him for making good use of it.

>> We Returned home to rescue the kids and granny on Monday afternoon, we sorta took our sweet time getting back to the kids. it was so refreshing to just have batman and myself alone together. its amazing the amount of presure two little ones have on a relationship. we needed this time to ourselves and it was a great way to celebrate our birthday's and valentines day together>>>>>>>>>>>>

"Granny" (MIL) passed out as soon as we arrived to pick the babies back up ..... you think they might have worn her out?

the babies crashed out themselves. I'm so proud of them for staying over night away from mommy the whole night. my babies are getting to be so grown up. it broke my heart that i abadoned them and i hate that avery's still too young to tell me if something bad happened but we really needed the break ,,,we deserved the break! pluss it gave time for the kids to learn how to adapt to being spoiled with their grandparents.

Avery's not feeling well. she's got a running nose and cries with missery. she threw up her medicine all over batman this morning , poor girl and I'm getting the pillow covers washed along with all the bedding that got in the way of her hurling.
i dont think she's necesarily sick with anything other then I believe her canine teeth are beginning to stick through. she's not been eating much the last 24 hours but she did pig out on some applesauce this afternoon.
I've been competley exhausted, i think work is running me pretty low. i recieved my first paycheck on friday and still need to take it to the bank. think i like holding on to it for a minute before it all disappears to bills.
I was suppose to go out with a girlfriend this weekend but I've been so wornout after doing so much massage. valentines day is huge and we have all these couples coming in so I'm getting to work with the other girls up at the spa in the "couples room". it stinks because there's another "session" going on in the same room and it distracts from the therapy I'm able to direct. one of the other girls up there was actually telling her client that the popping he heard was his muscles. " your muscles make that popping sound, not the bone..."
I had to bite my tounge so hard to not disrupt the quiet sounds of massage but this other therapist is a complete idiot! swear to god i hope it doesnt continue long. I cant have other idiot therapist crouching in on my tips I work very profesionally hard for.

so that's about it. avery's sick, I'm tired, oh, and I have to find new house by the end of next month. our lease is being uped another $50 a month and I'm not paying it. sucks to have to move but I know we can find better. I just cant believe our landlord would do that when he knows we're struggling so much especially with two babies in diapers. life's rough but that's why God made wrinkles.

red dress

found this dress for $1.99 and didnt even stop to try it on. took it home and it fits like a glove. called batman up and told him to plan a night out for a date cause i had a pretty little dress to show off my non pregnant form. he got home and even went as far as telling me i looked "sexy"
so nice to hear but the compliment comes no where close to the great feeling of Shopping for under 2 bucks and finding a steal!
wish you could see my legs, the dress comes to just above the knee and my legs are looking pretty shapely. I love having my body be all mine!

Family portraits

Benjamin was in these pictures, we just didnt know it yet.

Avery at 6 months (me at about 15weeks)..................................................

Avery at 17 months and Benjamin is 4 months

we look a little more Sleepy but at the same time I think our family pictures have only improved in the last year. I love that Benjamin is hanging over batmans right hand. his name means "son of my right hand" .

the New Month of February

Ben is 4 months, 16pounds and 24 1/2 inches. eating Rice Cereal today making the funniest faces. does not understand what we are sticking in his mouth and would much prefer to stick fist in mouth.
Avery is a smart emotional baby girl that is wearing shiny cloppy shoes in the bathroom. we're getting dressed for family portraits
I'm feeling very much like a woman today. night before last was a fullmoon and this morning I got my period. my gutt feels open and hollow. havenot been Non-prego this month in a couple of years.
I felt my tummy lastnight and I felt actual abdominals...working has been good for me. My arms are tone and batman tried complimenting me today that "For having had two babies , you look good " I just like the fact that my triceps are tight again. My skin on my forarms is burnt from having them in nasty massage oil for 11hours this weekend. Batman thought I should go to the Hospital for it. I just need to talk to my boss lady and tell her that I want to use my own massage cream up there. Massage oil just leaves your skin totally dried up natural body oil and I'm not sacrificing my arms to work there.