biggest news is that my first love located me yet once again. the last time we spoke was about 9 years ago and I wrote him a letter saying that he needed to leave his wife and come be mine again. all the while , my first husband was packing his things and left. Of course my first love denied me and i found myself lost and alone and i had to figure out life as a single girl and went down many wrong paths.
so when he found me again i was up in arms as to what to do. I'm finally in a place mentally where i'm not longing to still be his. I managed to create an identity that isnt waiting around for us to be reunited so when he popped up on myspace asking me to reconsider i paused.
then there was the suprise attack and i replied with a "yo momma" comment and we both realized that i was harboring bitterness. He quickly apologized for everything, for the pain i had endured , for the suffering i allowed myself to live, and I have to tell you that in talking with him, i have a new sense of peace. its a peace that i never imagined i would feel, as if i'm living my life fresh for the first time.
He took my virginity at the tender age of 15 and i gave him my whole heart. we were forced apart when my parents found out and the rest of my teen years were strained. i grew up being told i was a slut and worthless. that i had no more value to my father because i wasnt a virgin.... it was sad and unbarable and i managed life on my own at the age of 17 and moved in with some boys at 18 . my parents hounded me saying i was living in sin, and my first love kept in touch on a daily basis so long as my father wasnt a threat. I told him was getting married and he was suppose to stop me but he didnt and i found myself at the JP getting married to a boy i didnt care for and i thought my fate was sealed. untill two years later when he finds me again . this time i wasnt going to be passive, i was going to straight up fight for my first love and i insisted that he be with me. .
I've made many mistakes and i dont want for his recent appears to disrupt what i have now with batman. though things have been strained between him and i these last several months, this new found peace causes me to want to be a better wife. I'm excited to have this emotional freedom and i want to share it.
i told batman that i had spoken with my ex and after some explaining about how it was good for me, batman said that he was happy for me.
everything was great untill batman decided to go snooping through my phone and flipped out when he came across my ex's number and called him. I was in tears crying because i dont want my ex to know that i am married to and suffer from a controling husband. my ex just wants me to be happy and having batman call him and tell him to leave me alone........ that's fine, i just wish batman could have talked with me about it instead of being a jerk and calling my ex. its all so stupid. one minute batman is saying that its fine for us to talk but he doesnt want us to get together for face to face visits and then his temper flairs because he thinks i'm being sneaky having his number in my cell.
i want to be a good wife. but i also want to have a loving husband and these most recent days have been horrible.
it was good talking with my first love and finally recieving the closure that i needed.
I'm about to turn 30 and the wind was blowing up a storm last weekend. i walked out of my day spa and air was brown. similar to mary poppins' my life was about to change with the wind.
so when he found me again i was up in arms as to what to do. I'm finally in a place mentally where i'm not longing to still be his. I managed to create an identity that isnt waiting around for us to be reunited so when he popped up on myspace asking me to reconsider i paused.
then there was the suprise attack and i replied with a "yo momma" comment and we both realized that i was harboring bitterness. He quickly apologized for everything, for the pain i had endured , for the suffering i allowed myself to live, and I have to tell you that in talking with him, i have a new sense of peace. its a peace that i never imagined i would feel, as if i'm living my life fresh for the first time.
He took my virginity at the tender age of 15 and i gave him my whole heart. we were forced apart when my parents found out and the rest of my teen years were strained. i grew up being told i was a slut and worthless. that i had no more value to my father because i wasnt a virgin.... it was sad and unbarable and i managed life on my own at the age of 17 and moved in with some boys at 18 . my parents hounded me saying i was living in sin, and my first love kept in touch on a daily basis so long as my father wasnt a threat. I told him was getting married and he was suppose to stop me but he didnt and i found myself at the JP getting married to a boy i didnt care for and i thought my fate was sealed. untill two years later when he finds me again . this time i wasnt going to be passive, i was going to straight up fight for my first love and i insisted that he be with me. .
I've made many mistakes and i dont want for his recent appears to disrupt what i have now with batman. though things have been strained between him and i these last several months, this new found peace causes me to want to be a better wife. I'm excited to have this emotional freedom and i want to share it.
i told batman that i had spoken with my ex and after some explaining about how it was good for me, batman said that he was happy for me.
everything was great untill batman decided to go snooping through my phone and flipped out when he came across my ex's number and called him. I was in tears crying because i dont want my ex to know that i am married to and suffer from a controling husband. my ex just wants me to be happy and having batman call him and tell him to leave me alone........ that's fine, i just wish batman could have talked with me about it instead of being a jerk and calling my ex. its all so stupid. one minute batman is saying that its fine for us to talk but he doesnt want us to get together for face to face visits and then his temper flairs because he thinks i'm being sneaky having his number in my cell.
i want to be a good wife. but i also want to have a loving husband and these most recent days have been horrible.
it was good talking with my first love and finally recieving the closure that i needed.
I'm about to turn 30 and the wind was blowing up a storm last weekend. i walked out of my day spa and air was brown. similar to mary poppins' my life was about to change with the wind.
posted by Avery's mom at 10:28 AM
6 Comments:
That's a shame that Batman doesn't let you talk to an ex, but I know many guys that are like that. They feel threatened, even if there's nothing there between you & the ex.
M~
Batman was probably feeling a little insecure, if he knows how much you cared for your first love. But at least you have your closure and that's got to be worth the shit you've had to put up with since.
careful careful peace~art
well be careful and hang in there he is prob just feeling insecure.
i've been there. i know. it will boil over, eventually - at least to a point where you can mention his name and batman will only scoff.
that's progress.
boys are too much trouble!
i got the card - i loved it - i miss you! i work tomorrow, but will be home in the morning and later after 7. CALL ME.
obviously, this is jubi's older sister that is too lazy to go and change the sign in name. :)
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