31 weeks into this pregnancy and I have 54 days left till they slice me open. My memory of my c-section with Avery isn't so bad but I'm beginning to think the "new mother amneisisa" that helps women forget the pain of childbirth really affects C-sections as well.
I remember it being late at night and I couldn't bare the contractions and I didn't know how to begin the next step in delivering my 41 week baby without getting checked by the hospital. I was hoping they would say something like "my god woman! This baby is about to jump out of you! Here, take this medicine that will make your back pain disappear while we finish up delivering for you"
I was simply so exhausted and after they had me on the monitors for 20min. They rush in and tell me that the baby is in distress and I need to get the baby out with emergency c section.
oh my goodness, those words freaked me out so bad! I was hardly dilated past a 1 1/2 (my body moves slowly) and the contractions had been going steady for two days whereing my body out and the baby still unborn inside of me.
it was about 3 in the morning and I was being told that the baby I had been so carefully growing inside of me was suddenly not alright. I was scared for my baby but also terrified because I just never thought I was going to birth my baby "unnaturally" in a surgery room and my brain just wasn't prepared for that concept.
I vaguely remember screaming and yelling and cursing my "stupid F***ing Doctor" for about 2 minutes while they got me hook up to an IV and ready to roll into surgery.
I had never been in a surgery room. It was cold and the ceiling went on forever, kinda like an open gateway to heaven. I guess I just couldn't focus on anything. They had me sit on the table that looked like tables you see used to lethally inject criminals .The arms laid out to the side like a crucifix and had straps for the wrist and everything ,very spooky! I begin to look around and see there in the corner a scrubbed person laying out shiny silver instruments and its all so alien and foreign and I begin to have whispers of alien abduction in the back of my head. So I quickly tune it all out not wanting to get more terrified . I rember thinking that I was feeling the last of my contractions as they told me I was getting a spinal put in. I noticed my legs dangling from the side of the surgery table and how much I was shaking and the nurse who was helping hold me upright asked if I was ok...
I looked at her scared and asked her why my legs were shivering, if it was really that Cold in the surgery room and she said yes it was a little cool but that I was having spasms because of my excitement and nerves.
I felt cold wetness in the middle of my back and the anesthesiologists said I would feel a small prick. I don't think I could have felt any more fear at that moment...My body was out of control and I couldn't have run away if I wanted to .The masked aliens were about to take my baby. I had to take that shot in my back and the only way to explain the sensation was a sudden HEAT flushing through my body starting up near my right cheek and rushing down my arms and body and thighs and I'm sitting on the edge of this lethal injection table and I just begin panting the words "HOT, HOT Hot , Hot" over and over. The nurse helping hold me up (they had me lean forward over my belly to expose my vertebra) asked me what was wrong...And I told her that I had this rushing of boiling blood run a course through me and she was relieved because it was only the medicine from the spinal and I noticed that my feet felt like I had cement blocks on them dangling from my legs on the table.
the nurse instructed me to try and lay back on the table and I was confused how they expected me to even move when I couldn't have raised my arms at that moment . If the back of the table had been behind me, I was sure I could have just fallen over in that direction but I was sitting sideways and the head to the table was on my right. I was so confused how I was suppose to get my head way over there when the cement blocks were trying to pull me to the floor. My body was SO heavy. The nurse must have seen my confusion and told me that she would help me get my legs up and swivel my body over if I could just aim my head for the top of the table.
Somehow I managed and once I was down in a horizontal position, I knew I was not moving anywhere. Thankfully at this moment I recognize my Doctor (all this time at the hospital and I still had not seen his face) or at least the glasses and blue eyes behind the medical mask and he's all dressed for surgery in a light blue hat and gown and we make eye contact but he doesn't even speak to me. He's busy giving out instructions to the other blue people with rubbery hands. Suddenly there's a curtain being pulled in front of my face and I realize that Batman still wasn't there so I make a panicked request for him to be brought in.
the staff at the hospital had said he could be there but just not for when I was getting the spinal. So it feels rather rushed and batman shows up at my side with a silly excited smirk on his face and he's there on my left side and the anesthesiologist tells him to go ahead and hold my hands because even with the drugs, my fingers are bouncing around with excitement though they have been strapped down to the table. and I can only see this beautiful blue curtain in front of me and i'm wondering if the surgery team will say something before they start cutting or if BAtman will say something when they do start to cut and I'm looking up at his face trying to see if he's going to give any sign that they have started and a moment goes by and Im trying to get the gas mask off my face cause I'm feeling nauseas but no one can hear me and I cant move any parts of my body. I have to ask several times or what felt like yelling to get the attention of anyone there and the Anesthesiologist (I'm gonna learn how to spell that dang word ) who stayed at the top of my head with all his trickets of measuring my pulse and breath and finally heard that I wanted to get the gas mask off , he pulled it slightly to the side allowing me to have some natural oxygen and the sick feeling went away. It must have been nitrus for my nerves or something but anyway back to the beautiful blue curtain..... I hear my doctor say something like:" Now you will feel a bit of pressure" and I'm thinking to myself stay calm and Omy God he's about to cut me and what if I feel it and the next moment I feel my body being smooshed upward and I'm rolling on my backfat towards my head as though somebody were rocking me up and then my body begins to relax back down to its original position and then I hear the best thing in the world. I hear these strong baby cries and tears start flowing down my cheeks.
the doctors had me so scared about needing to get this baby out but HER voice was so Strong and amazing and healthy and wonderful. My Avery girl was born and outside my body and turning all the beautiful shades of pink and red with every scream that she gave off.
The curtain was still up and I had to wait an extra minute while they cleaned her off to the leftside of me and BAtman walked over to watch them towel her and grade her condition.
they brought her over to my head so I could see her up close and she had such black beedy eyes with dark curly wet hair...She was nothing like what I had imagined but she was more stunning then I could have dreamed. She was mine and as I turned my head to the side to kiss her on her forehead, my silly little Avery turn her own head towards me and I missed her head and kissed her on her Right eye ;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;

alright, I'm going to continue this at a later time
I'm going to run spell check and Imagine its going to take a year to get through this post. I'll be back with part two soon.