milking the mommy
I'm frustrated right now about my situation in life. BAtman doesnt earn enough to keep us housed and diapered so I'm feeling immense amount of pressure to get back to working. and somehow its reflecting in my time with Avery. I know that if i go back to working, I wont be available for her every moment of the day and that this nursing thing will suffer. She's such a great baby and enjoys her time with me but it breaks my heart to think that I wont be able to nurse her much longer. I could try again to pump, but I never managed the 'milking' technique. and truthfully, I think Avery simply nurses for the emotional comfort of being close to me.
I just feel like giving up.
She's 4 months old, and we started her on Rice cereal which she eats about 4 tablespoons of a day . but like last night, I'm still getting up every 2 hours with this girl and its so exhausting (plus the fact that I'm sick doesnt help) I dont want to feel bad about giving up on the nursing this early. I was hopeing to at least make it till Avery was 6 months if not a year. I think I would look at it as a failure in mommyhood. there is just so much stress around me right now. and I know that can affect my milk supply,
so I have to measure my desire to be a nursing mother agaisnt paying bills~~~~~~~~~~~~
ARGH! its such a shitty place to be in and I want to strangel Batman for putting me in such a crumby positon. He's the man, why cant he go and work a real job instead of flipping burgers?. the little punk said the other day that he cant wait for me to go back to work....wtf?.....boy that got me so steamed, I just want to hit him when he's so callouse about the work that i do 24 hours a fricking day. he doesnt get it, he says i have to be the one to comfort avery during the night because he's the one that is working and he needs his sleep, so I get absolutely no help.
it would be one thing if he was covering our bills but the truth of the matter is that every month I am having to ask my dad for money. so screw batman and his 'im working' attitude, he needs to grow some breast and take over the role of mommy if he wants me to step up and take back over our finances. lousy pilgrim coming to my world, eating my cornbread and calling it a holiday while i do the dishes.
posted by Avery's mom at 9:31 AM
13 Comments:
I honestly can't give you any insight on the whole breast feeding thing since I've never done it. Maybe some of the other mommies out there can help with that?
I hope y'all can figure out the work thing. I can imagine how hard all this is on you, gal. Plus, not feeling well doesn't help the situation any.
Feel better soon ~ big hugs!
M~
Oh babe, that's a tough position to be in. I also believe Batman should get a real job. Is there a reason that he doesn't want to? There are ways to keep nursing, even when you go back to work. She should start to go for longer streaches w/o nursing soon. When you go back to work, maybe you could start off slowly, like part time. What kind of pump do you have? I'm a bad pumper, I've never had much luck w/ pumping, and babies are just so much more efficient. After Jade, I got the Avent Isis manual pump. It worked Awesome! And it isn't nearly as expensive as some of the others. A lot of work places are becoming very nursing friendly. My work gave me brakes to pump, and offered to have my hubs just bring the baby in to my work, when it was time for a feeding. If and when you start looking for a job, ask them about thier policys. If all else fails, and you have to give nursing up, don't feel bad! You have given her the best nourishment during the time when it is most important for her little body! I felt guilty too, I just stopped 3 weeks ago. (jade is 9 months old). Does Batman know your feelings about getting a real job? And the comments he made about you finally going back to work... BAH! They never get it. EVER. There is NO WAY he could do what you do. Pointing that out to him though, never helps. It would be better if he would appreciate what you do for avery, but pats on the back are far and few b/w for the average SAHM. Keep your head up. You will be able to figure out a solution. Keep us posted!!
OMG, I'm truly sorry to hear that. Being a mommy is a 24/7 UNPAID "job".
In France, there is a fuckin' good system for parents of new-borns. I think that the mothers can take a year and a half off of work, getting 100% of their pay checks!
Being parents in North-America sucks big time: NO support worthy of mentionning.
I hope that your BF will soon find a real job and take care of all of you.
- virtual hugs -
Batman does need to step up here. He needs to realize that flippin' burgers might have worked when it was just him, but now there's 2 more that depend on him. I'd love to give advice on the pumping thing too, but like greek, I've got limited experience here (don't ask...). As an alternative to going back to work, is there something you can do from home?
Remember what I said yesterday. And get well, too!
ok you guys.....
to defend BAtman, he does have a regular job that he hasnt been going to for the past 3 months because it's been out of state and he doesnt want to be away from avery during this time. (yeah, like he's really helping me out by staying home, i know) but he needs to figure something else out because our situation isnt working. he's flipping burgers as a side job but this 'side job' is our only income and its CRAP
I can totally relate! I started watching kids again when Abigail was barely a month and yes my milk supply did suffer. (I was having to go hide in the bathroom to get her to nurse because otherwise she was too distracted.) But you already did better than me...we only made it about 4 months. I do feel like I failed her, but she doesn't seem to have any permanant scaring...(although she is currently obsessed with her tiny boobs and how they will be big when she grows up.) As for going back to work, I wish I had made more of an effort to pump...they have so many pumps now and really good ones. I borrowed a friends (she had the expensive one!) and it made a world of difference!
At least you know you gave your best effort! That's what matters!
At least you were able to nurse this long. You have given her alot of bonding time and maybe the stress has affected your milk supply and that is why she is waking up every two hours hungry. she might not be getting much from your breast right now and there is no real way of knowing unless you pump out and see what you get. I am sorry you are so stressed out right now I wish I could give you advice but I was unable to nurse my kids. I lost my milk with emmy at 4 weeks into it and with the boys I also lost every thing at 4 weeks into it. I do nt know what is wrong with me.I will be praying for you and batman. i hope all gets better soon.
ugh, how frustrating this must be for you! :( hugs to you, mama!
first off, i have to say how much i love this picture. i'm a sucker for nursing baby pics and this one is just beautiful.
i hope batman can find a way to bring home more bacon so you don't have to deal with all of this stress.
i don't have a fancy pump myself, but i've heard the medala pump-in-style pumps, while they cost an arm and a leg, are soooo worth the money and make pumping at work soooo much easier and faster than a slower pump.
could you maybe just find a part-time job so you don't have to be away from avery as much and can still continue to nurse while you are home and pump while at work?
maybe a heart-to-heart talk w/ batman is in order.
i hope things work out for you. i know it's hard when you have to do the majority of the parenting. my little girl still wakes up often at night and guess who always tends to her - you got it - me.
hang in there. hugs.
Your frustrations are completely normal. It is very stressful to have to deal with an out-of-shape body, a nursing baby, and a partner whose not pulling his weight. If you have to go back to work, that's okay. Your daughter has benefited from your nurturing up till now, and it really will be all right if you have to stop nursing and go back to work. As others have said, you can pump at work if you need to, but it does take some getting used to. If you are concerned that you will not be able to pump enough, I would suggest talking to a lactation consultant. They can hook you up with the loan of a hospital grade pump (they are very good). Then you can see how much you're pumping, and if you can afford to rent that one, or buy a high-quality one, then you can pump at work.
What do you do other than massage therapy? I know that MTs can make their own hours if not associated with a chiropractor's office or whatever. Can you just take a few jobs to make ends meet, and consider every client you help is a step farther away from working full-time?
As far as Batman, just pray for him and love on him. I know he's not measuring up right now, but it's also very hard for guys when their sweeties are crazy on hormones. Trust me, I go completely crazy on pregnancy and lactating hormones, and it takes a while to get back to my normal self (almost two years after the kids are born). He's trying. Just pray that he will find his way. It will all work out. Love you and praying for your new family.
Oh- and Denali's finally weaned so now I can start losing weight! Hurray!
THank you all for your kind words of encouragement. they really show you guys care and it means so much to me
I am just sick and you know how sick people whine about the woes of their life....my work, if I go back to doing massage therapy is very flexable. I knew this day was going to come, when i would have to go back to work, just now its staring me in the face and i'm not prepared for it nor do i have a plan.
you guys have put alot out there for me to consider and have given me assurance that all is not lost. I have done pretty good with my role as Avery's mom so far and I thank you for reminding me of that.
for now, I must hit the sack and catch as many Z's as possible in the next few hours before my darling alarm clock of a baby wakes me.
I think you sort of answered your own delema when you mentioned Avery is eating rice cereal now. It's something I ended up putting in my daughters bottle and it kept her full a lot longer. Maybe if you pump some into a bottle and mix it with rice cereal, you'd get more sleep. I was not a nursing Mom. I was too young and selfish to do it. I regret that to this day. You're such a devoted mother to Avery that you've got to just be proud of yourself and not be such a harsh critic to yourself!
As far as Batman, he needs to get up over himself and realize that it's not cutting it. Are you making sacrifices to make it that he doesn't know about? If so, you may want to stop so he can see that his paycheck is turning y'all into "vegetarians" if you know what I mean.
You may want to realize what an asset it is that you have the ability to fall back on the massage therapy thing. It's something I know you could make some pretty good money with, and you know it's flexible. That sounds like Avery could still be with Mommy a lot.
I'm sorry you're in such a place right now that hard decisions have to be made. Marriage is about compromise and both of you have to a little. A good sit down and heart to heart would do a lot in the long run I think. You gotta know deep down, he sees how hard it's getting to "get along" financially. I'll be praying for you!
Also, you don't want to get caught in the trap that yuor daughter can't be without you. My ex's sister spent 24/7 with her boys when they were little and then they couldn't even be alone with their own father! They'd scream and cry whenever she left (which didn't exactly make her feel very good). Make sure you allow Avery get comfortable with other adults so that you can get some time off. You are very lucky that you have such a flexible job to go back - you won't miss too much Mommy time!
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