2005 moving into 2006
If you want to hear what my Avery sounds like.....skip this and visit two post down.....there's an audio blogger and she sounds like Dolphins.
TEll me what you think/ talk back....
so its the last Wednesday of the year and its kinda weird that 2005 is passing. i never thought i was going to survive but it looks like i made it. this year was the biggest year of my life, I endured a mystery pregnancy, I underwent surgery and delivered a healthy baby girl, I married my man till death do we part, we even crammed in Christmas and now my life feels peaceful. The tension and angst of whats to come is no longer a part of me. I can move into the next year and think that life is going to be normal. i don't have any fears,
well, i take that back, i do wonder about when i am going to get back to working. It sucks so bad having to rely on only batmans income. back in the day, we were able to go out and splurge from time to time but with us being broker then broke,,,,not so much anymore.
we had a measly Christmas as far as giving and i didnt receive anything from my new husband this year....Not that i expected so much, but at least i was able to assemble a few small gifts for him. i think he kinda feels bad about it. i told him, as long as he can cover rent this month, thats all the Christmas i want. oh well, we'll see
so I'm wondering about getting back to work. and how do i juggle that with raising my baby girl? it almost seems impossible. my dad doesnt want for her to be in daycare and neither grandparents are fit for babysitting...they might think they want to but the honest truth of the matter is that neither batman or myself feels comfortable leaving the baby with them. my mother has Multiple sclerosis and batman'mom suffers from mystery seizures and a screwed up back. I miss the money and I dont want to have to build back up my clientele...thats so much work and takes time. maybe i should consider working for someone parttime. I'm just not dedicated to doing massage when i could be enjoying my little girl.
Newyears is going to be her 4th month and we started her on some rice cereal yesterday....my baby is growing so much. it kinda hurst to think that she's getting nourishment away from my breast but i knew the day would come. its just hearbreaking in a sentimental mothering type of way. I wouldnt mind having my body be all mine but I've not had that feeling in almost a year. there has always been something belonging to my daughter that i havent had complete control over. Man,having a baby changes things so much. I wrote about how i feel like i ve started into a new book on my life....well the old robyn has alot to learn. time is going to pass quickly the next few years and I want to accomplish everything that i dream of....right now batman is talking about moving to colorado. if we move, he thinks i can just pick up working at a resort in boulder and he can benefit with getting discount lift tickets...i swear, he's always thinking about himself. when do i get to enjoy a plush lifestyle? only when I can afford it because for as long as i 'm with BATman, i'm going to be poor and scrapping the bottom of the soup can