Fresh from the Bath
Started today out right with a great pumpkin colored pastey diaper so Avery got a bath and mommy got Daddy's attention
A problem I have realized with sleeping with Avery is that now she wont sleep away from a warm body. I tired to lay her in her crib lastnight so there could be an opening for jamie if he wanted to join me. We struggled with keeping her down till almost midnight and I was so pooped jamie managed towork his magic with her and he did sleep with me for part of the night.
we tried talking a bit and he said that during the night if I need any help to just wake him....Well, he sleeps like a log and never hears her crying, never hears me ask him to get her, never hears me no matter what I do and last night I got fed up and shoved him in the back ( I was kinda pissed that even with him in the bed with me, he still didn't bother to hold me or be close) so I shoved him and that started the midnight battles that we've been having.
it got pretty yucky with me telling him that I hated him......I couldn't believe I actually said it and this morning I really felt horrible. I don't know if it was the harshness of my words or what but as soon as I apologized for my words from last night jamie immediately apologized for the things he had called me (which I must be use to because I hadn't thought he called me such horrible names lastnight) but the best thing was that he actually said he wanted us to be better and not fighting
at last I have some hope that he cares about how things are between us. It was starting to feel like he just didn't give a crap about me, maybe it was because he's so use to me just bending over and taking it and things being fine the next day but I wasn't gonna be like that anymore and it took four days of him sleeping on the couch to figure I ment business when I told him he needed to pay attention to how I felt about things. He cant keep walking all over me and think that it's ok
so we'll see how long this peace last. At least he's willing to recognize that we were in a serious slump. I don't know what it is. It's so different now that we have a baby. My feelings and emotions are crisscross right now because all of my attention goes to Avery, everything we talk about is the baby, we cant get things out like we use to (yelling) because of the baby, She's really cutting into the relationship but she has every right to. jamie and I are just going to have to re-create our relationship and I don't know how to have two loves at the same time. It might sound silly but it's true. It's like my life with the baby has continued and somehow jamie has fallen out of sight and I have no idea where he is anymore. Recently it hasn't even felt like we were a couple. I kinda wish that he would step up and help me on our relationship. It sucks to think that we're just coasting along....I mean I'm suppose to plan a wedding to this man? One thing I've learned is that life takes you through some rough patches and it's super important to be able to sometimes pick up the heavy end of the problem while your partner is weak and it would be nice if jamie would do that. I 'm awfully tired of carrying the whole thing plus a baby and wont do it anymore. We realy need to work on our communication. Part of the problem I think I learned is that he has a horrible perception of me. He said that there is no point in talking with me because no matter what is said , I always argue/am right or whatever...But it's wrong to approach your partner with the attitude that simply talking is hopeless so you might as well keep to yourself. I mean what type of relationship is that? I told him that he really needed to work on his perspective of me because as long as he's approaching me with that attitude then we'll never get things right again. I believe he understood even if there was only silence.
I don't know, I guess I have a lot going on in my head and he doesn't seem to get it, partly because we don't talk.......
I know a lot of you have mentioned that I need to take some time and just sit down and talk with jamie but when you have a habit of getting loud(jamie) it doesn't go over well with a baby in the midst. That's something we're going to have to re-create about us.....The manner in which we talk to each other. Hopefully he wont approach it with a negative mindset and we can start practicing some positive reinforcement and I guess I can do some of my own searching and see what this selfishness is that he keeps talking about with me.
maybe he sees me with the baby and thinks that I'm being selfish....I don't know, he can have my 2 and 4am feeding sessions with her anytime he wants to start lactating. I've been real selfish to give him a baby(enter sarcasm) and I know I've been so engrossed with every detail that is AVery maybe he's seeing that as selfishness.....Maybe we'll talk about it! Who knows what can happen when Robyn puts her foot down
posted by Avery's mom at 9:52 AM
11 Comments:
so a cute picture she is getting to the fun stage where she smiles huh? she is so beautiful
a clean baby is so sweet. I love my babies right out of the bath.
What a cutie pie! She is growing so fast.
i had topost in two parts because she wont lay down anywhere....I think she's the one that is being selfish j/k
they say at this age you cant spoil them so I wonder at what point does the spoiling begin
look at you girls - absolutely gorgeous! i just can't get over how pretty she is, robyn.
it sounds like you and jamie are getting a good start on your talking. maybe keeping a spray bottle of water by the bed to wake him up would be some encouragement... my mom used to have to spray my sister sometimes to get her to wake up in the morning. hehehe
they say you can't spoil a baby but in fact you can. the best thing to do is let her cry a little in her crib. each time let her cry a little longer. she'll understand that that is where she needs to be. and don't give in unless you want to share your bed for many many months (and that would suck). she's very cute by the way :)
for spoiling, go to "Secrets of the Baby Whisperer." It's the best book and you won't be leaving her to cry or letting her in your bed all the time.
could you try writing things down and then discussing items one at a time, taking turns? then maybe you wouldn't get off track, back in the same old circles of discussion.
it's hard to get out of the yelling habit.
she is darling!
i'm glad you and jamie are talking through things....i just know he'll come around as long as you don't back down. i like the spray bottle idea...maybe it would help to condition him to wake up. :)
I agree completely with Jenny. I know advice on this gets old, but if one thing's for sure- you're training her that y'alls bed is hers too. She's gonna wanna be held and cuddled all the time so she doesn't cry, and then wanna sleep with as you say- "a warm body".
As far as Jamie goes... my husband used to be a yeller. He still could be if I didn't threaten him about it. It started when ours was a baby and continued for a few years. Now, any time he gets upset and starts to yell or something... she says her stomach is nauseaus. It's really damaging. I'm glad you're putting your foot down.
My theory is that while it might be possible to spoil little boys, you can not spoil little girls, so I give my girls everything they want. We will see how it works out.
We have the opposite problem to you - my partner hears all of our daughter's gurgles, snorts, sneezes and coughs, and wants to go to her all the time. I keep telling him to leave her alone, he'll just wake her up.
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