Bed WArs
Still not recovered from Saturday night. He came home and thanks to some help, I stood my ground and he got the sofa
I tried to talk with him about things and his insensitivity to me but 5am probably wasn't the best time, I'm so very exhausted, the baby kept me up from 2-6 lastnight
since he's been on the sofa since Saturday, Avery has kept me company in bed at night
having her in the same bed as me keeps me from having the same kinda rest. I'm having all these dreams where I find babies and rescue them from underneath tarps . I wonder if I'm over stressing about having her suffocate in the blankets with me.....And last night I kept losing this little 'pocket' baby that was the size of a cell phone. In my dream we had baby Avery and then we purchased a little 4 inch baby for $35 and I kept misplacing it. I would look all over the 'hotel' room and listen for the baby's cries but the baby was so small that listening for it was difficult I think I might have been straining to hear if Avery was sleeping still beside me
I'm still upset with Jamie over this weekend. So we're going to stick to him on the couch even if I'm panicking in my sleep having Avery with me....(yes, I know I could always put her in her crib but it's nice having her with me,plus it keep jamie out) typically in these instances, jamie makes me mad but I never hold him responsible the next day. For what ever reason, I'm too much of a peace maker that jamie gets away with what ever he wants and that's not fair to me
plus I need some practice with putttin my foot down before Avery learns to manipulate me too
I'm actually a bit tired of being mad with Jamie....We're talking I guess but not about the problem of how he's treated me....Guess sending him to the couch is not great of me either.....How many days should his sentence be? I just want him to chill out on the cussing when he talks to me and for him to be sensitive to my feelings. If he wanted a night out with the boys then he should have communicated it better.
I tried to talk with him about things and his insensitivity to me but 5am probably wasn't the best time, I'm so very exhausted, the baby kept me up from 2-6 lastnight
since he's been on the sofa since Saturday, Avery has kept me company in bed at night
having her in the same bed as me keeps me from having the same kinda rest. I'm having all these dreams where I find babies and rescue them from underneath tarps . I wonder if I'm over stressing about having her suffocate in the blankets with me.....And last night I kept losing this little 'pocket' baby that was the size of a cell phone. In my dream we had baby Avery and then we purchased a little 4 inch baby for $35 and I kept misplacing it. I would look all over the 'hotel' room and listen for the baby's cries but the baby was so small that listening for it was difficult I think I might have been straining to hear if Avery was sleeping still beside me
I'm still upset with Jamie over this weekend. So we're going to stick to him on the couch even if I'm panicking in my sleep having Avery with me....(yes, I know I could always put her in her crib but it's nice having her with me,plus it keep jamie out) typically in these instances, jamie makes me mad but I never hold him responsible the next day. For what ever reason, I'm too much of a peace maker that jamie gets away with what ever he wants and that's not fair to me
plus I need some practice with putttin my foot down before Avery learns to manipulate me too
I'm actually a bit tired of being mad with Jamie....We're talking I guess but not about the problem of how he's treated me....Guess sending him to the couch is not great of me either.....How many days should his sentence be? I just want him to chill out on the cussing when he talks to me and for him to be sensitive to my feelings. If he wanted a night out with the boys then he should have communicated it better.
posted by Avery's mom at 4:34 PM
7 Comments:
i'm proud of you for sticking your ground, girlie. it sucks having to be 'the mean one' but sometimes they don't realise how mean they were to us to make us have to be mean back. now that we got our foot on the ground, let's get those doors of communication open!
I can offer my two cents, but everyone has to work through issues and situations in ways that work best for them and their relationship...
For me, things like sending your spouse to sleep on the couch or not talking etc etc only prolongs getting down to the real issue at hand. If there's a problem that needs working through, I would encourage my husband and I to actually talk more instead of talk less. Ask him to sit with me at the table or on the couch and talk civilly to come up with what is is that's causing a) me to feel so upset and hurt and b) him to be making behavior choices that he is.
Having a new baby in the house really is a whirlwind. Life completely changes and it's a whole lot to chew on at once. It's not like you can nibble on the idea of having a baby and all the responsibility that goes along with it - the way it works out is you're give an entire plate full and have no choice but to jump in with two feet. That's a lot on a person, on a relationship, on a marriage - no matter how beautiful the miracle is that you two created. It's the biggest life change (or one of the biggest) you'll ever be faced with.
I think most women want their men to take a more active, helpful, role with the new baby. It's extremely difficult being the mother - all the late nights, all the hormones trying to sort themselves out, the nursing, the diapers, the wanting to feel like your old self again, the wanting to feel like a person and not so much a food factory...to be the best mother you possibly can be, and to be the awesome, carefree wife you want to be...it's hard.
And so often the men (and I mean this generally, because there are men out there who don't feel like this, but from what I've seen and what's been shared with me this is what I gather...) don't quite know just what to do with the baby - how to hold it right, make it stop crying, feed it the right way, change it the right way, not handle it too roughly, etc. So they too have things they are working through and in addition, they want to help their wife. They can see how exhausted their spouse is - not getting proper rest, not getting to eat a real (and often not hot) meal, missing out on the luxury of a long, hot shower that they can seem to get so much easier...
I guess about all I can offer is that a lot of what you feel is normal. They (again, not all but on the avg based on my knowledge) don't know what to do to make everything right, so they tend to 'escape' into what's easier and well known where they can't mess things up -going out with the boys, diving into the computer, etc etc.
Instead of talking less and sleeping together less, I'd talk more and really work on being the team that you are...the team that created the miracle you both have between you.
Truly,
Insanity Infusion
Your dreams are so intense...
I'm sorry y'all had a rough patch ~ I hope you're able to get thru it.
M~
good for you standing your ground. I hope y ou guys work things out. maybe a couple of nights is all he needs plus you do not want avery to get to used to haveing a partner in bed. hopefully you will be able to talk with him about the problem now you have to tal about it or it will not change.
i'm proud of you for standing up for yourself too. i'm also a peacemaker, and a lot of times i just back down. i would definitely keep talking though, so that he can see how you really feel. maybe when he realizes how much you and avery need him and his support, he'll straighten up.
having a baby is such a hard adjustment time. i know that p. felt that the baby was getting all my attention, and i think he behaved obnoxiously in response to that. later he admitted that he felt sort of helpless around the baby, and it was hard having to take a backseat. i think all this sounds really normal. remember that you're tired, and you both just had a major life change. you can work it out. try talking when you're both well-rested and can get some alone time.
wow...you really have alot of great comments on here from everyone...1st i must say..whew, your dreams are really weird sometimes and intense and must be really emotional for ya sometimes, huh. and 2nd, good for you for standing yourself, i would do the same thing...if he already spent the whole day with them then hey, come home and spend time with YOUR family now. that's my feelings anyway. let him have a couple nights on the couch and try and talk to him about the whole thing and that it would of been nicer to have him home with the two of you like you wanted instead of going out anyways...and the whole yelling and cussing at you during the heated moments, well remember that sweet little baby doesn't like to hear that either! tkae care and ask him if he'll sit down and talk with you!
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