the IDES of MARCH

batman freaked out again and revoked my communication privileges with MFL yesterday. I have to say Goodbye for the safety of everyone. I feel like I'm mourning. the last two nights i haven't slept, its almost like post traumatic stress disorder. after 8 years of trying to get on with my life, meeting batman and settling for a future with him and the kids, to have Mfl come back up was beautiful but wrong for me to have him around. if simply text messages can come between my husband and myself , then the connection with Mfl has to be snuffed out. my heart weeps. my husband is wanting me to write a nasty message to MFl to tell him to leave my life alone,(Belle, I need help with this project; email me) He says that he's out of here if MFL calls or contacts me in anyway...... that's how it needs to be and so i must do the right thing. MFl respects where i am as a mother and a wife and wouldn't think of disrupting what bit of "family" we've got. HE's such a great person still with all the mess of my life . I just hope that he'll still think of me from time to time and know that i still care and always will. it was good to find the peace with him but to loose him all over again................. words do not express my grief, my sorrow, my complete depression and angst. Driving home lastnight I took my suicidal bridge (360 to 183W) at 85 MPR last night because batman was too drunk and drugged to know if we were ok.
Does my life have to return to leaving MFL behind just to be denied by my unloving husband? I sacrificed so much, when will happiness come again for me