Thursday, September 29, 2005

back from the dead

I'm back from Florida, thankfully the drive didn't have to happen and dad flew us out there. I was so nervous about taking little Avery on a plane but the two hour flight was not bad at all. Avery was a champ (minus the pooping disaster in my lap) she got it all over my shirt and shorts but thankfully I was prepared and wore 'spitup' clothes on the flight so nothing got too ruined.
we arrived in Tampa and made it directly to the hospital. Papa Joe had been moved from ICU into a regular room, all the medical equipment taken away and he looked pretty bad. His skin was grey, and his limbs swollen but he was technically still alive and breathing. Avery got to lay in his arms for a couple of minutes and we took some pictures but then she started getting fussy with all the people around her so we had to head out.
my family plus my uncle were all staying at my grandparents home, camping out on the floor in bedbags so Avery, jamie and myself ended up having to stay at a bestwestern down the road. I didn't like that we weren't able to stay with the family during our visit, but with the nightly crying/nursing lack of sleep a new baby brings, it was the best thing for everyone.
papa Joe die that night about 4 hours after Avery got to see him....Everyone keeps saying that he was holding on just so that he could meet his greatgrand child and I feel guilt over it in a silly way. I feel that if I had never taken her out there, then he might still be alive...I don't know. The whole trip was really sad. It was most hard at the funeral that we had on Monday, seeing my grandmother say goodbye to her lifepartner of 60years. She had been going to the hospital and staying with papajoe all day long for over 5 weeks and really missed being able to talk with him and tell him things that went on in her day. I don't know how she's going to adapt to being a widow and living alone. It really breaks my heart. My little sister Rachel is going to be going back this weekend, dropping her college classes to go and live with gram B at least until December so at least she wont be alone.
it was nice to be out in the beautiful Floridian sunshine and see the beaches and palmtrees but it totally was ruined by the fact that we were there in mourning for my papa Joe. pour Avery got fussier and fussier as the days progressed. She hated not being at home, and it was difficult handling her when all the family just wanted to fight over who got to hold her
Its so nice being back home. I don't know if its my attitude of relief being back home with her or if Avery actually is much easier to take care of now that we're home but things are a lot more chill as far as avery's temperament.
don't have a lot more to write right now. Just want you all to know that I made it to Florida, Avery got to meet her great grandfather my papa Joe, he's dead and will be buried up in Pennsylvania this weekend.
hope your past week has gone better then mine.

6 Comments:

Blogger Marianna said...

Oh honey... don't feel any guilt. It was his time to go. Just be happy for your past memories of him & happy you saw him one last time. He'll always be keeping an eye over you & your sweet baby girl.

I'm so sorry for your loss, sweetie.

Hugs,
Marianna

September 29, 2005 9:37 AM  
Blogger trisha said...

i'm so sorry about papa joe...i feel as you do about grams..this is gonna be tough on her...man 60 years is a long time. i'm sure your glad to be back home, it is so hard traveling with a new baby and for your first trip to have to be such a sad one... take care and we'll be praying for you and your family.

September 29, 2005 11:53 AM  
Blogger Heather/SHTEZQ said...

glad you are back but am sorry for your loss

September 29, 2005 12:14 PM  
Blogger MommyTaco said...

glad you're back home safe and sound. sorry to hear that papa joe passed, but you know that he's with our heavenly Father now and not sick or in anymore pain now and you'll get to see him again one day in Heaven. big hugs for ya, sweetie!

September 29, 2005 7:54 PM  
Blogger Chris said...

My condolences on your Papa Joe. It sounds like he had many who loved him dearly. A man can not ask for much more than that.

September 30, 2005 12:11 AM  
Blogger mrs. awesome said...

i'm sorry for your family's loss, but glad that you made it in time to say good-bye.

i'm sure you're not imagining that avery is happier at home. traveling is hard on everyone, even if there aren't any big blowouts. i did quite a bit of traveling when g. was little, and she always seemed to know when she was at home in her won bed. i think babies are more perceptive than we give them credit for.

September 30, 2005 2:42 PM  

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