Saturday, July 09, 2005

Saturday night Alone

It's Saturday night and Jamie and I are in the middle of a stupid War

I took his house key away because I 'm psycho like that, and I'm tired of being with someone that cant keep money in the bank or milk in the fridge, plus My parents have been paying our bills (mostly all of them) since like March and it's not fair that Batman just doesn't seem to care. My Dad is recently unemployed and my Mother has MS, why cant Jamie pick up his ass and find more work.....I'm not going to bitch about it anymore because he knows what a slacker he has been. And I'm pretty sure he hates that about himself....BUT WHY DOESN'T HE DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT!?
We're going to have a baby soon, and I'm realizing that I'm going to have to be the one to go back to work immediately because jamie just is incapable of doing it...I'm so mad,,,,that's why I took his stupid house key
Now He's mad at me and I got reamed out on the phone about what kinda 'ho' I am....I don't even know how to spell half the words he used but most of them only have four letters.

I'm freaking almost 9months pregnant and I don't need this crap....He did call back and apologize. Just he's not coming home tonight I guess
I don't know how I feel about that, I love him but he frustrates the BIggeeebbees out of me. I just wish he could talk calmly and not get so bent out of shape. I really wish he would come home so we could communicate about solving or resolving our issues...There is nobody else I would rather be with and it kills me when we get this way...We're both just stressed out and freeked about what life is going to be like in a short couple weeks. I just wish I could feel secure but i dont.


Blogger addict said...

awwwwwwe man.... I'm really sorry you guys are going through this.
*cyber hug*
Wish there was something I could do or say to be helpful... just know we are all here for you.

July 09, 2005 9:58 PM  
Blogger Avery's mom said...

thanks em...i hate that we are going through this too. just wish he would cool off enough to talk with me.

July 09, 2005 10:09 PM  
Blogger .: raven :. said...

(( hugs ))

i asked earlier ... are you on some kind of assistance? WIC? AFDC? you should check into those programs, seriously. email me if you want to talk more about this.

July 09, 2005 10:18 PM  
Blogger .: raven :. said...

girl .. i know you are stressed and i'm sure he is as well. i'm sure he's overwhelmed with fear about how he's going to possibly provide for you and Avery.

because he's not working .. that affects his self-esteem. because he's worried about not being good enough to take care of both of you .. that affects his self-esteem. fear, depression set it and it's a tough cycle to break out of.

i know you're afraid. i think he is too. and the fact that he knows that you don't believe in him ... probably makes him more afraid .. and act out as well.

at this point ... i think it's really important that you take care of yourself .... and worry about him later. your health and Avery's health are most important.

and either he will step up and do something .. or he won't. the problem is you can't make it happen either way . .it has to be his choice. you have no control over that. worrying about it isn't going to change it either. what you have control over is YOU. so empower yourself. make sure YOU are taken care of. make sure AVERY is taken care of.

just remember .. if you think about it .. it's almost always 99% true: ANGER is fear. people display ANGER because they are afraid of something .... you got ANGRY because you're afraid of not being taken care of. he got ANGRY because he's afraid of not being good enough. if you can put that in perspective ... maybe you both can come to some "calm" place so you can talk tomorrow.

get some rest girl ... you and Avery need it.

July 09, 2005 10:26 PM  
Blogger addict said...

I just came back by to check on you... Raven's comment is so very right.
Hang in and take good care of that baby by taking good care of YOU.
Talk after he's had time to cool down and get some perspective. It's gotta be hard for both of you right now.

July 09, 2005 11:26 PM  
Blogger Chris Nystrom said...

I am sorry that things are so tough. Having children does make you face some tough decisions.

I am a little confused though. On his blog, I thought he posted that he just got a job framing?

July 10, 2005 1:08 AM  
Blogger greekchickie said...

I agree with Raven. Y'all have new changes coming into your life & it's a very stressful time for everyone. I hope it all smoothes out..



July 10, 2005 6:26 AM  
Blogger Chris Nystrom said...

.:raven:. does have good advice. I am thinking she should go pro.

ANGER = fear

Good insight. Helps to understand what is really happening.

July 10, 2005 8:01 AM  
Blogger Angel! said...

In management classes they teach you that You can only control what you CAN control.

i.e.: If Jamie is stressed, you cannot do anything about that, you cannot control that situation. But on the other hand, if you are stressed (I'd be!), you and only you can do something about it.

Try to put the energy you still have left on YOU and AVERY. You can't spend it on fights and concerns.

I know though that it's easier said than done.

We're all there for you, to "listen" and cheer you up.


July 10, 2005 8:51 AM  
Blogger Hippigirl said...

I couldn't possibly add anything to what's been said already.I'll be thinkin'about you.

July 10, 2005 1:16 PM  
Blogger Avery's mom said...

Thank you to all my friends, things are a tad bit better today.
He came home around 1am and just went to bed. I was hopeing that we could talk which we did after he blew up again this morning because I had dinner with a friend lastnight.
I told him that there are things to be upset about but we dont need to waste ourselves having stupid fights. I think he kinda understood.
Raven, you were so right about taking care of me, and I plan to do it wether or not jamie wants to help out or not. I cant sit here and feel sorry for myself, and jamie realizes that it's prettty dumb to get mad just because we're both stressed out. We're going to have bigger struggles come our way and we need to be practicing better behavior so we manage the stress load better when we have a screaming baby on top of it all.

I just want to say thank you for everyone caring and being supportive. I dont know where I would be without yall ***Big cyber hug back to everyone***

you guys are so good and I 'm thankful for your dear friendships

July 10, 2005 2:39 PM  
Blogger Amy said...

While I was pregnant with our second child, Eric lost his job and our stress level hit the ceiling. One day he pulled the car over and insisted that he would rather walk than deal with me. So, there I was driving 2 miles per hour along side him trying to get him back in the car- on the I35 access road, no less!
I am telling you this because we trucked through it and haven't fought like that in at least two years. You love Batman, and he really loves you- we can all see that. I know this time will pass and the day will come when you look back and chuckle about the muck you had to wade through to get to the good stuff. Just tie a rope around your waist and determine to hang on. You are a hoss and I know you will come out smellin' like a rose!

July 10, 2005 4:03 PM  
Blogger Avery's mom said...

I am a Hoss...?

um, ok AMY

July 10, 2005 4:08 PM  
Blogger Avery's mom said...

were you trying to say Horse? and that I'm going to smell better soon?

I was just saying over at Chris' how you seem to be so clever,,,now I just dont follow you quite that well

July 10, 2005 4:10 PM  
Blogger Chris Nystrom said...

"hoss" is Austin for "wonderful person" I am sure.

July 10, 2005 4:16 PM  
Blogger Chris Nystrom said...

I meant "Austin slang".

July 10, 2005 4:17 PM  
Blogger Amy said...

A hoss is the meanest, toughest, oneriest Texan around. A hoss has legs made of concrete and there is no moving a hoss unless the hoss wants to move. When a hoss gets ahold of you, you best be followin' orders 'cause you ain't leavin' kindly if you don't.
You are a hoss. You won't budge 'cause you don't walk away. That is why I believe that in the end, you will smell like a rose and less like the poo you are currently steppin' in.
There. I hope you could follow me as I had to adopt a Texan twang to explain the virtues of a hoss.

July 10, 2005 4:19 PM  
Blogger Avery's mom said...

Karen has a blog to help change your words into 'redneck' or 'jive'

You crack me up Amy!!!
I'm a Hoss and wont budge untill the poo I'm standing in is removed!

July 10, 2005 4:59 PM  
Blogger Amy said...

Born and raised, Robyn. I don't need no dialekt changin' dowoppy!
You go, Hoss!

July 10, 2005 5:10 PM  
Blogger Amy said...

And by the way, I didn't know that your mom has M.S.
I also happen to have a touch of M.S. myself. Small world.

July 10, 2005 6:01 PM  
Blogger ~*Stephanie*~ said...

OH MY honey I am so sorry to hear about this.. Like we have said before that my Jamie and your Jamie are to much a damn like.. I was so stressed out when I was about to have my son that I was so scared the stress would hurt my son in some way but, I still couldnt stop worring about it.. He couldn't work a job for every long and we were hurting bad..

I really hope he wakes up soon.. I wish you the best and if you need to talk I am here..


July 11, 2005 7:49 AM  

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