This Week With My Mother
It's Saturday evening and Batman's working till 10 tonight. This week has been busy, I've been helping with my mother since she had surgery on her left shoulder last weekend. She's so brave to have gone ahead with the procedure. The past several years I have worked on her, set up a sudo-massage room in her living area and every Tuesday morning tried my best at leading her towards relaxing.
Multiple Sclirosis keeps you pretty uptight with tons of nervous energy and Mom has been one of my most difficult people....I use to think it was because she was my mother and she couldn't allow her daughter to be in charge especially over her body. If she wasn't yapping about something with her hands....Mom would start talking and waving her feet in the air.....She just isn't aware of what she's doing and I've tried so hard to help her get in touch with her body. I think a part of it is that she has to disconnect herself because she' s just in so much pain with the MS.
Anyways, over the past ,say three years, I've noticed a sensitivity in her Left Shoulder. Mom would cringe if I used too much pressure and I'm telling you, I was ever so careful when I worked that area. It got so bad that mom wouldn't allow me to even attempt any joint articulation so I left it alone. I figured if I pushed her, it would cause the rest of her body to tense back up and it was better for her to find a bit of peace even if it ment ignoring a portion of her body. Finally this summer she went in for MRI and they discovered that she had 2 torn ligaments. I wasn't surprised.
She was so brave to finally go and have the surgery. She was very terrified but figured that she ought to have the problem fixed. She even planned it so that the six weeks of healing time is complete just in time for My Due Date so mom will be able to hold her grandbaby.....I guess if mom can endure surgery, then I can endure labor.
So I've been helping out over there. It's actually been nice because Dad's been there too. He's even staying the night which has been nice. I've been trying to do some of the cooking for them and helping mom, only problem now is that she wants me to move back home after Avery is born, once my lease is up here....
I don't know what to do. It really is a huge mess because it's super that they want to help but I don't know if I could go back home especially with the way that Mom gets out of control with her temper. I don't want to put myself through it or my baby girl.
Trouble is that my parents are the only reason that Batman and I have the roof over our heads. They have been taking care of us (ME and Avery) since I had to close up my work back in April, and All of us believed that Batman would step up and fufill his job as provider which he said we could count on, but unfortunately he never has been good with budgeting and has failed so miserable. I really don t want to get into this further except to say How amazingly stressed I have become. I'm realizing that I'm going to have to start back to work immediately after birth which is fine. I just had hoped that I could spend a little bit of time with my baby and go back after a couple months. But Batman hasn't been motivated to allow for that....It makes my blood just boil.
so mom wants me to move back home which would allow me to take care of my baby (and Her) But I would have to put up with the craziness that is my family.....
Any Suggestions?
Multiple Sclirosis keeps you pretty uptight with tons of nervous energy and Mom has been one of my most difficult people....I use to think it was because she was my mother and she couldn't allow her daughter to be in charge especially over her body. If she wasn't yapping about something with her hands....Mom would start talking and waving her feet in the air.....She just isn't aware of what she's doing and I've tried so hard to help her get in touch with her body. I think a part of it is that she has to disconnect herself because she' s just in so much pain with the MS.
Anyways, over the past ,say three years, I've noticed a sensitivity in her Left Shoulder. Mom would cringe if I used too much pressure and I'm telling you, I was ever so careful when I worked that area. It got so bad that mom wouldn't allow me to even attempt any joint articulation so I left it alone. I figured if I pushed her, it would cause the rest of her body to tense back up and it was better for her to find a bit of peace even if it ment ignoring a portion of her body. Finally this summer she went in for MRI and they discovered that she had 2 torn ligaments. I wasn't surprised.
She was so brave to finally go and have the surgery. She was very terrified but figured that she ought to have the problem fixed. She even planned it so that the six weeks of healing time is complete just in time for My Due Date so mom will be able to hold her grandbaby.....I guess if mom can endure surgery, then I can endure labor.
So I've been helping out over there. It's actually been nice because Dad's been there too. He's even staying the night which has been nice. I've been trying to do some of the cooking for them and helping mom, only problem now is that she wants me to move back home after Avery is born, once my lease is up here....
I don't know what to do. It really is a huge mess because it's super that they want to help but I don't know if I could go back home especially with the way that Mom gets out of control with her temper. I don't want to put myself through it or my baby girl.
Trouble is that my parents are the only reason that Batman and I have the roof over our heads. They have been taking care of us (ME and Avery) since I had to close up my work back in April, and All of us believed that Batman would step up and fufill his job as provider which he said we could count on, but unfortunately he never has been good with budgeting and has failed so miserable. I really don t want to get into this further except to say How amazingly stressed I have become. I'm realizing that I'm going to have to start back to work immediately after birth which is fine. I just had hoped that I could spend a little bit of time with my baby and go back after a couple months. But Batman hasn't been motivated to allow for that....It makes my blood just boil.
so mom wants me to move back home which would allow me to take care of my baby (and Her) But I would have to put up with the craziness that is my family.....
Any Suggestions?
posted by Avery's mom at 4:33 PM
10 Comments:
I have no suggestions, sorry. But I have had MS for more than ten years and I want you to know how beautiful it is to read about how you care for your mother.
I still say that you are a hoss and you will come out smellin' like a rose. :)
Thank you Amy, coming from someone who understands a bit about my mom's disease, your praise really means alot to me.
Oh sweetie thats a hard one have you talked it over with batman??If he wants aplace in your life he needs to be a part of the decision makeing process Maybe it will help motivate him in the right direction. If someone is always taking care of things for him then he doesn't have to.Do you know what I mean. lay some of resonsibity on him.See how he handles it.
sorry I haven't been posting much lately . Know that I am keeping up with you. Big Big Hugs
It is a bad idea to take advice from me, but for some reason I still give it when asked.
I think you need to love Avery's father. To do this you will need to not think so much about what he can do for you, but rather think more about what you can do for him.
By this, I do not mean be nice to him. When you love a child you are not always nice to them. Sometimes you have to be tough and discipline them. You look at what they need that is best for them, and then you do it, even though it may be difficult for both of you.
So looking at Batman, what does he need? He needs to grow up and take responsibility. By you taking it on, you are fascilitating him avoiding it.
So I recommend letting go of it.
Completetly.
Do not worry about money. Do not worry about bills. Do not worry about where you live. Take what he provides for you, and do not complain about your circumstances.
I know not an easy to follow suggestion.
i agree with Chris on this:
by taking on the responsibility for Batman, you're enabling him to not take it on himself. if you do it for him .. why does he need to?
however, i've asked you a few times if you've applied for state assistance .. which includes rent, Medicaid for Avery, food stamps, WIC (Women, Infants, Children), AFDC (Aid for Dependent Children). you can do all of these things and get help for YOU and AVERY ... that way you can take care of your daughter by getting the vitamins and calcium YOU need and the formula and things that she needs.
it's a tough situation sweetie and i know you really shouldn't have to be stressed about this right now.
I agree with Raven. If you are elgible for these you should apply for them.
I agree with Chris and Raven. And, just so you know, I was on all kinds of aid a few years ago. We are doing much better now and I think assistance was the thing that gave us the leg up to get where we are.
Awh, you guys are all so nice. Thank you for caring, things have just not turned out how I had hoped and now I'm faced with some tough decisions...I think I m just a little afraid of starting Avery out on the wrong foot.
Raven, I've got an apointment to be set up with WIC later in the week. Where do I go (what state office) can help me out with rent?
your county social services should be able to help with the rest .. AFDC (aid for dependent children) ... and even the WIC department should be able to give you numbers and things for what you're eligible for.
there should be no reason that you are not eligible for these things since you are not working ... you should also get info on Medicaid for Avery .. all of these things will be HELPFUL to you and help you get going. it's not a forever thing but everyone needs help at some point in their lives .. and that is what it is there for.
Yes, I have earned a good salary in the computer field, but when I was layed off during the computer bust a few years back, I applied for and got some assistance. Some stuff I did not qualify for because I still had some savings. The main thing we needed was medical coverage because Ruth Ann was pregnant with Emily and medical bills would have drained the savings real quick. I also, figured I paid into the system for years with no benefits, so I did not feal bad about taking it when I needed it if I qualified for it. I had no idea when I would be able to find another job. Fortunatly 4 months later I got one, before Emily was born. WIC was cool. Love that cheese.
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