I never expected such an outpour of assitance from my blogging buddies. When I made a list of things I was hoping to get before Avery was born in a couple of weeks, I did not expect for so many of you to come running. I am surprised and delighted to know that there are so many great people willing to concern themselves with the needs of others. You are all a blessing and I'm very thankful for you.
Today I'm feeling a bit tired. Well actually down right sleepy, I already took a nap this morning for about an hour and I think that has made my sleepiness worse. Yesterday I checked in on my Mom and she was acting crazy holding a knife up to my Dad's face waving it around, when I talked with her, she was denying all of it....Sad thing is I have seen mom do this type of thing before. She doesn't actually intend on cutting a person but likes to pretend or act out motions that are violent.....I don't know, all I can say is that I'm pretty sure that I wont be moving back home. Her actions are way out of control and she is not taking any responsibility for herself anymore. It really is a sad state that she's in. I love her with all my heart but I feel that she has let me down as a mother. She just isn't there for me in ways that she could be if it were not for her awful disease. Her physical strength is not there but what I am missing the most out of our relationship is her being Mentally fit.....I don't feel like I have a mom any more.... And it totally hurts to be going through this pregnancy alone with out a sane mom.
I don't think saying any of this to her will do any good. She's so stuck on herself and doesn't see or acknowlegde other people's feelings. That's one of the reasons she acts so out of control
What ever, just another day in the life of Robyn, taking care of her crazy parents and only getting a break to visit my shrink....I don't know if I like my shrink either. She's telling me I have everything in perspective. When baby Avery is born, I'm not going to allow my parents to control my every action. I'm going to have a baby to care for, that will need 100% of my attention and my parents will just have to grow up and not act like kids themselves. My shrink said that the feeling we have of wanting to repay our parents for all they have done for us is common. But the real answer lies in taking care of our own children, that is the return of love, from generation to generation, parents down to grandbabies. It's one thing for me to say all of this about being strong and not allowing my parents behavior to run my emotions with guilt that they need me so bad, that my baby will come first....I truly hope this works out and that having a new grandbaby will help make them realize that they need to shape up and be good role models .
now that's Wishing
Today I'm feeling a bit tired. Well actually down right sleepy, I already took a nap this morning for about an hour and I think that has made my sleepiness worse. Yesterday I checked in on my Mom and she was acting crazy holding a knife up to my Dad's face waving it around, when I talked with her, she was denying all of it....Sad thing is I have seen mom do this type of thing before. She doesn't actually intend on cutting a person but likes to pretend or act out motions that are violent.....I don't know, all I can say is that I'm pretty sure that I wont be moving back home. Her actions are way out of control and she is not taking any responsibility for herself anymore. It really is a sad state that she's in. I love her with all my heart but I feel that she has let me down as a mother. She just isn't there for me in ways that she could be if it were not for her awful disease. Her physical strength is not there but what I am missing the most out of our relationship is her being Mentally fit.....I don't feel like I have a mom any more.... And it totally hurts to be going through this pregnancy alone with out a sane mom.
I don't think saying any of this to her will do any good. She's so stuck on herself and doesn't see or acknowlegde other people's feelings. That's one of the reasons she acts so out of control
What ever, just another day in the life of Robyn, taking care of her crazy parents and only getting a break to visit my shrink....I don't know if I like my shrink either. She's telling me I have everything in perspective. When baby Avery is born, I'm not going to allow my parents to control my every action. I'm going to have a baby to care for, that will need 100% of my attention and my parents will just have to grow up and not act like kids themselves. My shrink said that the feeling we have of wanting to repay our parents for all they have done for us is common. But the real answer lies in taking care of our own children, that is the return of love, from generation to generation, parents down to grandbabies. It's one thing for me to say all of this about being strong and not allowing my parents behavior to run my emotions with guilt that they need me so bad, that my baby will come first....I truly hope this works out and that having a new grandbaby will help make them realize that they need to shape up and be good role models .
now that's Wishing
posted by Avery's mom at 10:15 AM
1 Comments:
I totally get where your mother is coming from. I know how hard it is to control the crazies that march through your brain when it is mushed up by MS and steroids. I have used behavior modification tools for years and your post made me see that I need to keep it up. When I read your thoughts on your mother, I think about what my daughter will have to say about me in twenty years and I think about the agonizing place your mother is in. Sometimes it feels like my body is one big mis-wired mess and there is this perfectly healthy inch tall me running around inside, unable to control my steps or my thoughts. I am sure that you mother sometimes feels the same way. It is hard to give the inch tall me a voice. Thank you for your candor with your thoughts. You are perfectly legit to feel the way you do.
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