If I only knew then, what I know now (PCC)
So this tagging got me thinking about my past. 10 years ago I felt so young. There was nothing but the future and freedom and fun experiences in store for me. If only I knew then what I know now......
10 years ago my first attempt at college was snagged by a couple wrong decisions. First of all, I was 17 years old and a senior at Keller High school. By Jan. 3 I was enrolled at Pensacola Christian College with my best girlfriend Josanna. She had been an old homeschool buddy that spent that Christmas holiday with me and my family.
She was impressing my parent with the fact that she finished her studies early and was heading off to College when out of the blue, Josanna blurts out that, 'Why don't You come too?!...We could room together....!!!"
That was all my parents needed. If I could get accepted as I was , the middle of my senior year, then why shouldn't I get shipped off to school? That way, Daddy wouldn't have to deal with what to do with me when I turned 18 in a couple of months.
(that's the truth of my teenage years)
I wasn't a bad kid by anymeans, was an A/B Honor Roll student, Worked a job straight after getting out of class each day, attended Sunday school/Church every Sunday, Just for what ever reason, my daddy had washed his hands of me the day I turned 18.... Pensacola Christian college solved that problem.
After that first Semester I begged to be allowed to come home and see my friends. After running to Florida for what seemed like a good Faith based College,Josanna and I were not close anymore, I kept thinking how I had missed going to Prom, Graduation, the works with my friend back home and I missed it terribly.
I did have an excellent time studing at PCC. I was working in the Communications field and had some exciting experiences in my sound/radio lab. (plus a crush on my teacher didn't hurt) However, the initial haze of 'wow, wouldn't it be cool to go to school out of state, with your best girlfriend, in Florida close to the beach...' never came close to the horror and unrealistic practices of my first College experience.
They made me feel more like a child there then I felt at my parent house. Everyday, they came and checked the students room, to make sure that the beds were made, radio was set on the College station, that no one was skipping Chapel.....
Not to mention trying to get off campus was not worth the hassle. We had to get invited by a Senior, who had to get permission slips from the Dean, and then we could only go out with the same sex, and must return by sundown. If for anyreason we broke any of the rules, we were given demerits and told what sinners we were.
I just couldn't take it, My Faith couldn't endure in such oppressive times. College was suposde to be a time for growth, to turn 18 and become an adult, All PCC did was tie us up like dogs and teach us tricks of Christianity,,,, wear dresses, wear pantyhose, It's a sin to be seen outside with out your Bible.... that school is WACK!
To get back to my point, if I had known that PCC would have been so radical, I wouldn't have left highschool early. That summer I came back to Texas, realizing that I didn't have a Highschool Diploma, so I took my GED and ended up having to attend a local Junior College. The thing that topped off my frustration with going to Pensacola Christian, was that it's not Accreditted. When I tried to transfer to the junior college here in Texas, None of my 16 hours counted. I missed out on my Senior year in Highschool for nothing.
Two months later, Back home and 18 I could sense that I wasnt wanted around, and I moved out into the first available place. Apartment 85D in NorthRichland hills with Two guys I knew from highschool. Both of the guys were dorks and full of teen angst, but I was reading Kerouac back then and was a bit 'Beat' obsessed so it worked out.
My parents howled that I was living in sin, So at the tender age of 19 I married one of the guys.. I wore a black dress to signify the worst day in my life. I didnt love him, I felt sorry for him and knew that I made his world so I did it to get my parents to shut up. In my head I was waiting for my first love to show up and stop the cerrimony, but he didnt. I was married to an acne scarred, teenage boy.
If youre a parent of a young girl, please dont push her /or ever make her feel unwanted. That's when we go looking for acceptance in the wrong places and make the dumbest choices
10 years ago my first attempt at college was snagged by a couple wrong decisions. First of all, I was 17 years old and a senior at Keller High school. By Jan. 3 I was enrolled at Pensacola Christian College with my best girlfriend Josanna. She had been an old homeschool buddy that spent that Christmas holiday with me and my family.
She was impressing my parent with the fact that she finished her studies early and was heading off to College when out of the blue, Josanna blurts out that, 'Why don't You come too?!...We could room together....!!!"
That was all my parents needed. If I could get accepted as I was , the middle of my senior year, then why shouldn't I get shipped off to school? That way, Daddy wouldn't have to deal with what to do with me when I turned 18 in a couple of months.
(that's the truth of my teenage years)
I wasn't a bad kid by anymeans, was an A/B Honor Roll student, Worked a job straight after getting out of class each day, attended Sunday school/Church every Sunday, Just for what ever reason, my daddy had washed his hands of me the day I turned 18.... Pensacola Christian college solved that problem.
After that first Semester I begged to be allowed to come home and see my friends. After running to Florida for what seemed like a good Faith based College,Josanna and I were not close anymore, I kept thinking how I had missed going to Prom, Graduation, the works with my friend back home and I missed it terribly.
I did have an excellent time studing at PCC. I was working in the Communications field and had some exciting experiences in my sound/radio lab. (plus a crush on my teacher didn't hurt) However, the initial haze of 'wow, wouldn't it be cool to go to school out of state, with your best girlfriend, in Florida close to the beach...' never came close to the horror and unrealistic practices of my first College experience.
They made me feel more like a child there then I felt at my parent house. Everyday, they came and checked the students room, to make sure that the beds were made, radio was set on the College station, that no one was skipping Chapel.....
Not to mention trying to get off campus was not worth the hassle. We had to get invited by a Senior, who had to get permission slips from the Dean, and then we could only go out with the same sex, and must return by sundown. If for anyreason we broke any of the rules, we were given demerits and told what sinners we were.
I just couldn't take it, My Faith couldn't endure in such oppressive times. College was suposde to be a time for growth, to turn 18 and become an adult, All PCC did was tie us up like dogs and teach us tricks of Christianity,,,, wear dresses, wear pantyhose, It's a sin to be seen outside with out your Bible.... that school is WACK!
To get back to my point, if I had known that PCC would have been so radical, I wouldn't have left highschool early. That summer I came back to Texas, realizing that I didn't have a Highschool Diploma, so I took my GED and ended up having to attend a local Junior College. The thing that topped off my frustration with going to Pensacola Christian, was that it's not Accreditted. When I tried to transfer to the junior college here in Texas, None of my 16 hours counted. I missed out on my Senior year in Highschool for nothing.
Two months later, Back home and 18 I could sense that I wasnt wanted around, and I moved out into the first available place. Apartment 85D in NorthRichland hills with Two guys I knew from highschool. Both of the guys were dorks and full of teen angst, but I was reading Kerouac back then and was a bit 'Beat' obsessed so it worked out.
My parents howled that I was living in sin, So at the tender age of 19 I married one of the guys.. I wore a black dress to signify the worst day in my life. I didnt love him, I felt sorry for him and knew that I made his world so I did it to get my parents to shut up. In my head I was waiting for my first love to show up and stop the cerrimony, but he didnt. I was married to an acne scarred, teenage boy.
If youre a parent of a young girl, please dont push her /or ever make her feel unwanted. That's when we go looking for acceptance in the wrong places and make the dumbest choices
posted by Avery's mom at 5:46 PM
10 Comments:
yep ... been there .. done that.
i also married young to a cheater and an abuser. but that was better (at the time) than what i endured at home.
glad things have turned out so well for you.
yeah, I try to not have many regrets. I think being married to Austin at such a young age really made me realize how much people grow and still change in two short years. If I were to get married again, I deffinately know what not to get involved with.
We have several similarities in our backgrounds. I grew up in San Diego, California pretty much exactly like "Fast Times at Ridgemont High". In is not an accident that I have San Diego and Pensacola in my background. My Dad was a Navy pilot.
In California High School is 3 years. My first year, I went to the big public school. I was not a great student, but I took all of the advanced classes and passed them, so they had to keep moving me up. My second year, my Father thought a small private Christian high school school would be better for me. There I promptly got involved with drugs, but continued to pass the advanced classes. The school was so small, that by my senior year they did not have anything left for me to take, so my options where back to the big public school or go to college early.
Like you, my Dad thought going to college early was a great deal, in no small part due to the fact he did not know what to do with me anymore. While in your case it is somewhat of a mystery why you were no longer welcome, in my case, I can understand it. Although I was not a bad kid, and went to church regularly, I was becoming more independent and wild. I still remember being stoned with my church friends at youth group activities.
Unlike you, I did not feel bad about missing prom or graduation. I guess I am just not sentimental, and I was not much of a dater in my high school years. I missed my friends from home, but I thought it was cool being in college while they were still in high school, and I enjoyed being on my own.
I went from the beach instead of too the beach, like you did. My university (Abilene Christian) was somewhat oppresive like yours with curfews and mandatory chapels, but we did not have a wall to keep us on campus. By my senior year I had written several letters to the school newspaper about how rules and regulations could never be Christian as Christiainity was all about self control. I pointed out how Jesus himself would have been kicked out of our school for turning the water into wine. No one seems to have had good answer to this, and I developed a small notorious reputation.
I just about failed out of college due to my bad study habits, but a dropped out semester working at the fast food restraunt was sufficient motivation for me to finish college, and fortunately, mine was accredited. Also, in moving to Texas from California, I grew away from drugs.
I am not sure where you are spiritually, but somewhere along the way I developed a personal faith. That others seemed to be clueless about what Christianity was and was not, did not deter me. In fact it seemed kind of familiar, because the group the Jesus was hardest on were the religious institutions. I still go to church regularly, but I still always feel like I am attending someone else’s denomination. I have never met anyone that thinks about these things the same way I do.
For example, I do not know why people harp on sin so much. If you do not have a relationship with God, your biggest problem is not that you are a sinner, it is that you do not have a relationship with God. If you do have a relationship with God, sin is not a problem (in an eternal sense) because you are covered: your faults will not prevent you from having a relationship with God. This is the whole and inescapable gospel message. So, in conclusion, Jesus loves you always and forever.
Oh yea, I forgot to mention about 2 years into college, ACU noticed that I had never graduated from HS, so I had to go down and take my GED. I did well. I have always been a poor student, but good test taker.
Sorry for the long comment. Your story inspired me to write.
robyn,
recently you commented on my post on how i should get married to relieve the sexual tension that i have. you pointed out that "the Bible teaches that when we are overcome by our desire it is better for us to be married." however, after reading your story of how you got married and was still unhappy, i have to wonder why you gave me that advice...
i guess i have 2 questions for you: first, what passage are you referring to about it being better to be married? and second, do you feel that your marriage solved the problem you were having?
i have also been in a strict christian college, and can definitely empathize with some of your pain and frustration. i have done things that i regret but i am determined to live a life that is pleasing to god, in line with the bible, and loving to myself and those around me. i feel that marriage is not the easy way out, and i want to make the right choice. i think my girlfriend and i are moving towards marriage, but i don't want to jump into it too quickly.
thanks for your caring reply, and i would be interested to hear more from you on my blog...
I believe the passage that She was refering to is 1 Cor. 7:8,9. It would be better if at this point in your life you could concentrate on other things besides sex (1 Cor 7:1), but if you cannot you cannot. Nothing to worry about. Take a wife. Marry. I believe God gave us the physical desires to drive us into each others' arms.
I should warn you though, that marriage does not solve the lust problem, it just gives you an outlet, and an person you can share the initimacies of your heart. You will continue to lust. It is not like after you get married your attraction to other women just stops.
I should also point out that the Bible sets the bar very high, and does not expect us to get there (Matthew 5:48).
There are a lot of very lusty men in the Bible (David) whom God is very fond of. Try not to be to hard on yourself. Lust may cause you embarassment if someone walks in on you at an awkward time, or it may cause you to hurt someone you love dearly by having affair, which is why it is important to learn to control yourself, but it will not prevent God from loving you. Sex was his idea.
wow, chris, who ever would have thought two bloggers could have such similar life experiences. I feel even closer having you as my christian Brother. thanks for pointing out the scripture too. You hit it on the head!
Amazing post, very introspective. It must seem amazing, looking back from where you are now, how time can change things in ways we cannot imagine. Perhaps we need go go through certain experiences to fully appreciate the things that will happen later in life.
I am happy for you in where you are today.
robyn ...i am confused. are you not married now?
Family Man,,, I couldnt agree more about experiences making us 'richer' people. I think I'm pretty happy in my current position.
Raven, nothing down on paper but we're trying to plan for after Avery's arrival.
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