My Dad's a Time Bomb
Well my daddy never can be anything expected. He always has to be something unpredictable. Usually it feels a bit scary or unnerving to approach him just because you never know what he's going to do or say. And you usually save things with him until you absolutely have to deal with them. He soooo scary but today it went in a nice way........ overly nice.
I hate asking my family for help. but with a baby on the way, I guess dad just want to make sure I'm doing alright. I just wish I didn't have to bother with asking for hand outs. I want them to know that we're doing ok. Unfortunately with the resent move and batman working a second job we still are a little behind .
batman has let me down. im very disappointed with him. so this morning I made him talk with dad. ten minutes later, I'm hearing that if I want anything that I have to be the one to talk with dad. cry, panic, fear, hatred and a good fallapart cry again. Alright, ready to suck it all down and let dad know that I;m not managing things ok. and that I need his help. I don't want to do that!!!
the best part about my dad is that he is special and generous. for every bit of fear and worry that he creates in our head, dad can be so gentle and comforting. Today, I didn't actually state what I needed, but secretively, dad wrote out a check for 500 dollars and put it in my hand as he moved past me. I told him that that was more then what I needed to get us through the rut batman worked us into, and Dad wouldn't bother about it. the check was written, I had the money, and that was that.
He hugged me for a long while and told me that he loved me over and over. which always makes me cry, more so when he says that he cares for me. for some reason, I don't know if he feels love just because he can be so cruel. I just hope and pray that his generosity doesn't come and bite me in the ass later.
regardless of how he helps, there are always strings attatched. I still hear about how they just want the best for me and how I let them down each time that I don't fufill their expectations. thats one reason that I Hate going to them for anything.
I doubt that dad is going to hold this over me. It was out of the ordinary. I new that I could get the money that i needed. I just figured that he was going to sit batman and me down and talk for 3 hours in the living room and talk about how irresponsively we were and try to drive a wedge between me and batman. instead , dad freakishly turns mushy and goes over board on his giving.
I really appreciate the things he does. Dad does it out of love. Maybe, he's trying to make up for all the crap that he puts us through. Guess I should just learn to accept the times that he can be nice. Its just so weird.
I hate asking my family for help. but with a baby on the way, I guess dad just want to make sure I'm doing alright. I just wish I didn't have to bother with asking for hand outs. I want them to know that we're doing ok. Unfortunately with the resent move and batman working a second job we still are a little behind .
batman has let me down. im very disappointed with him. so this morning I made him talk with dad. ten minutes later, I'm hearing that if I want anything that I have to be the one to talk with dad. cry, panic, fear, hatred and a good fallapart cry again. Alright, ready to suck it all down and let dad know that I;m not managing things ok. and that I need his help. I don't want to do that!!!
the best part about my dad is that he is special and generous. for every bit of fear and worry that he creates in our head, dad can be so gentle and comforting. Today, I didn't actually state what I needed, but secretively, dad wrote out a check for 500 dollars and put it in my hand as he moved past me. I told him that that was more then what I needed to get us through the rut batman worked us into, and Dad wouldn't bother about it. the check was written, I had the money, and that was that.
He hugged me for a long while and told me that he loved me over and over. which always makes me cry, more so when he says that he cares for me. for some reason, I don't know if he feels love just because he can be so cruel. I just hope and pray that his generosity doesn't come and bite me in the ass later.
regardless of how he helps, there are always strings attatched. I still hear about how they just want the best for me and how I let them down each time that I don't fufill their expectations. thats one reason that I Hate going to them for anything.
I doubt that dad is going to hold this over me. It was out of the ordinary. I new that I could get the money that i needed. I just figured that he was going to sit batman and me down and talk for 3 hours in the living room and talk about how irresponsively we were and try to drive a wedge between me and batman. instead , dad freakishly turns mushy and goes over board on his giving.
I really appreciate the things he does. Dad does it out of love. Maybe, he's trying to make up for all the crap that he puts us through. Guess I should just learn to accept the times that he can be nice. Its just so weird.
posted by Avery's mom at 5:05 PM
2 Comments:
I've been checking out people's blogs for the past two hours, just browsing, hitting the button at the top, one every one or two seconds, I figure.
And you know what?
Your's is the first honestly honest one, with natural style and amatuer professionalism, I have read.
I am book-marking and coming back. You make your report on your life just seems worth checking again.
(Note. I spend so much time for research.)
You should probably see a therapist to discuss some of this. Wait! You are a therapist. Never mind.
Seriously, though, like the above comment, this was a great post for its honesty and openess.
P.S. I am not sure how to spell openness, or even if this is a real word.
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