Sun is Shining
I feel so good today. The past several days have just had a peace about them and I feel like a leaf has been turned in my pregnancy worry.
The Solstice was definitely a magical day. My entire family got together and had a meeting with my mother's neurologist. It was ment to be an informative thing about mom's symptoms and what Multiple sclerosis is doing to her. For some reason, she doesn't or isn't able to recognize the help that she receives and doesn't think anyone in the family is concerned with her and is willing to help her, To make a long story short, the entire family was there to support mom and she was still trying to bitch about how nobody wants to try to help her....(I just want her to wake up and smell the coffee she's brewing, our family has so much love and patience, and we have endured a lot of ugliness on mothers part but ,,,*Big sigh*,,,it just keeps getting worse) And that is exactly what the neurologist says we have in store. The one thing I learned was that it's not really all of Mom's drugs/medications that make her loopy and paranoid, and have her emotional outburst, MS actually attacks not just the body but also how the brain operates.
Having it explained like that helped a little, Its just sad to think that my poor mother is in such a state of decay it's almost like not really having a mom anymore. She's turned into a child herself...But I was telling you all about how things have just been great so allow me to continue the bright side of all of this.
The last half hour of 'neurologist talk' and someone ratted out Mom, The doctor said that if she gets violent again, (MS is not an excuse for homicide ) that the family needs to call him. (to catch you up on the past week, Mom beat my little brother with her cane and went after my daddies nuts so Dad has moved in with my lil sis.) the whole thing was upsetting and nobody know what to do. Mom has gotten out of control and she doesn't see that she is pushing everyone away) So the DR. Got informed that the family is supportive but we wont get beat up and mom's MS is not a reason to endure her ferocious temper. Mom wasn't down with the whole thing coming out because in her head that's not how things happened.I was scared that she was going to Hulk Hogan the table across the room because she got all red in the face and started pulling at her hair. But now we have a safety word (yeah, right, like saying 'redlight' is actually going to get mom to let go of hair and quit swinging) but the anti-psychotic medicine is around the corner.
My mother is not an evil woman. She can be very loving and deeply cares for others..But she suffers from a horrible disease that spreads to every part of her and she is unable to control it. Unfortunately her disease is spreading into the family dynamics and it has been so awful to see the deterioration especially when I'm about to bring a new member into our family circle. It's times like now that I could really use a mother figure to glean wisdom and comfort from and the truth is, mom isn't able to focus long enough to get a glimpse of what truly is going on. I'm missing out on our relationship because we have to spend so much time and energy trying to help mom and maintain her peace. It just isn't fair but then life isn't. All we can do is make the best of things and keep helping each other out.
My shrink told me that I don't need to worry so much about what's going on at home. I need to remember my place as 'incubator' to my unborn baby and right now that is the biggest chore for me. Stress wasn't going to be good for me or little Avery, And my shrink told me to take something I could hold to keep myself grounded in a peaceful bubble , so I carry around a little yellow Bootie in my purse....
"I call her Mellow yellow..." That's my baby!
So Mom doesn't get away with her crap anymore, My baby is due in 59 more days, I ate a fancy cup full of Sherbert this afternoon, I haven't had to wake during the night to go pee the past two nights, And I 'm getting the crib put together tonight and decorating the nursery....I was trying to put it off till July but Nesting must be done while the energy is up.
The Solstice was definitely a magical day. My entire family got together and had a meeting with my mother's neurologist. It was ment to be an informative thing about mom's symptoms and what Multiple sclerosis is doing to her. For some reason, she doesn't or isn't able to recognize the help that she receives and doesn't think anyone in the family is concerned with her and is willing to help her, To make a long story short, the entire family was there to support mom and she was still trying to bitch about how nobody wants to try to help her....(I just want her to wake up and smell the coffee she's brewing, our family has so much love and patience, and we have endured a lot of ugliness on mothers part but ,,,*Big sigh*,,,it just keeps getting worse) And that is exactly what the neurologist says we have in store. The one thing I learned was that it's not really all of Mom's drugs/medications that make her loopy and paranoid, and have her emotional outburst, MS actually attacks not just the body but also how the brain operates.
Having it explained like that helped a little, Its just sad to think that my poor mother is in such a state of decay it's almost like not really having a mom anymore. She's turned into a child herself...But I was telling you all about how things have just been great so allow me to continue the bright side of all of this.
The last half hour of 'neurologist talk' and someone ratted out Mom, The doctor said that if she gets violent again, (MS is not an excuse for homicide ) that the family needs to call him. (to catch you up on the past week, Mom beat my little brother with her cane and went after my daddies nuts so Dad has moved in with my lil sis.) the whole thing was upsetting and nobody know what to do. Mom has gotten out of control and she doesn't see that she is pushing everyone away) So the DR. Got informed that the family is supportive but we wont get beat up and mom's MS is not a reason to endure her ferocious temper. Mom wasn't down with the whole thing coming out because in her head that's not how things happened.I was scared that she was going to Hulk Hogan the table across the room because she got all red in the face and started pulling at her hair. But now we have a safety word (yeah, right, like saying 'redlight' is actually going to get mom to let go of hair and quit swinging) but the anti-psychotic medicine is around the corner.
My mother is not an evil woman. She can be very loving and deeply cares for others..But she suffers from a horrible disease that spreads to every part of her and she is unable to control it. Unfortunately her disease is spreading into the family dynamics and it has been so awful to see the deterioration especially when I'm about to bring a new member into our family circle. It's times like now that I could really use a mother figure to glean wisdom and comfort from and the truth is, mom isn't able to focus long enough to get a glimpse of what truly is going on. I'm missing out on our relationship because we have to spend so much time and energy trying to help mom and maintain her peace. It just isn't fair but then life isn't. All we can do is make the best of things and keep helping each other out.
My shrink told me that I don't need to worry so much about what's going on at home. I need to remember my place as 'incubator' to my unborn baby and right now that is the biggest chore for me. Stress wasn't going to be good for me or little Avery, And my shrink told me to take something I could hold to keep myself grounded in a peaceful bubble , so I carry around a little yellow Bootie in my purse....
"I call her Mellow yellow..." That's my baby!
So Mom doesn't get away with her crap anymore, My baby is due in 59 more days, I ate a fancy cup full of Sherbert this afternoon, I haven't had to wake during the night to go pee the past two nights, And I 'm getting the crib put together tonight and decorating the nursery....I was trying to put it off till July but Nesting must be done while the energy is up.
posted by Avery's mom at 4:45 PM
4 Comments:
Oh sweetie I know this is really hard to deal with.If I was there I'd give you a big hug.I had a similar thing with my grandma.Dealing with family is the hardest thing.I had to go get help .I won't go into all of the details but I do understand.If you need a mom type person You could always talk to me .I've had 3 kids I'm still a kid myself but I can be the grown up when needed. I think just reaching out alittle you'll find there are a lot of people here for you. Even if it is here.I have found a lot of support from strangers and it is comforting in many ways.BIG HUGS.Rest well and drink lots of water.That's an order !
59 days... wow... that's so awesome! And I'm so sorry about your mom. I know you'll be the best mom to your sweet baby though!
M~
i am so sorry about your mom.
my mom had the beginnings of alzheimers .. dementia .. and it changed her too. it was difficult at times, so i know what you're going through.
know that my thoughts are with you.
(( hugs ))
Thank you ladies for your sinsere words of comfort. It really means alot to me and I do use them as support. I do my best to not bring my readers down, but sometimes a blog just needs to be able to blow some steam, and you guys are my pick me up afterwards. I love you and thank you
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